


everyone knows you can't dance, Shepard

by Snowsheba



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Fix-It, N7 Day, Novelization, Other, Tali-centric, long live Tali queen of my heart, now a fix-it fic where kal doesn't die, now a fix-it fic where legion is retrieved, spans all three Mass Effect games, tw: thoughts of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-30 16:36:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5171405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowsheba/pseuds/Snowsheba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tali watches them, sees them dance a dance she could never learn, and she follows them to the end of the galaxy.</p><p>Or: never-ending wisecracks, ever-exasperated desperation, and enough pressure to crush a diamond into dust and back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. diamond in the rough

**Author's Note:**

> Writing fic for Mass Effect has always been a sort of dangerous thing to do. The universe is so rich and detailed, and to try and craft something within those parameters which properly illustrates that is... difficult, to say the least. (Plus I don’t have money for Xbox Live, so I can’t play all the DLC missions. Which upsets me. Greatly.)
> 
> Regardless: I adore Tali to itty-bitty pieces. Shepard’s life through the games rendered me to tears, but Tali’s story was the paragon of innocence lost and she is just so young and, well, _human_ , even after she loses everything.

When Tali first enters the _Normandy,_ it’s with Shepard leading her and four others beside her. The commander moves with fluidity and grace, with an edge to her voice that tells of unspeakable loss and indeterminable strength - compared to Ashley, or Kaiden, or Garrus, or even Wrex, the quarian cannot think of anyone as formidable as her.

Tali makes herself scarce as soon as she can, despite Shepard’s warm welcome in the human embassies; she does not want to get into anyone’s way, lest the commander decide to kick her off the ship. Garrus and Wrex follow her when she trails down to the cargo bay, each with varying degrees of fascination and interest with the ship itself, and though the elevator ride is silent, Tali does not feel too nervous. There are other aliens here on this Alliance ship beside her, and  that is all it takes to comfort her, however slightly.

Shepard makes an appearance hardly five minutes later, with Ashley Williams beside her, and then the commander peels off to speak with Garrus. She holds herself with steely resolve, her eyes never leaving Garrus’s face even as they argue, even Tali can see that from where she is standing near Wrex. She and the krogan watch the discussion unfold, and in the end it’s clear to see who has the upper hand, when Garrus bobs his head once, respectfully. Shepard sends him a sharp grin in return.

Tali turns and makes a beeline for Engineering before Shepard sees her. She’s not sure she’s ready to face the woman, not when she made a hard-headed, hotheaded C-Sec officer like Garrus Vakarian back down.

* * *

Tali listens to comm chatter when Shepard descends onto Therum. She’d taken Wrex and Ashley with her – some biotics, her own tech, and a lot of combat skills. She’s keeping it safe, testing Wrex out while keeping a familiar human along with her, but Tali can see how it grates Garrus to be left out.

Shepard shouts for cover fire, and the gun shots intensify as Tali hears the unmistakable garble of geth chatter. Wrex lets out a whoop; Ashley shouts “Headshot!” and then a few seconds later the firefight’s over. They’re on foot now, left the Mako behind in order to squeeze through a tight space, and Tali taps at her omnitool so that it transmits a view from Shepard’s helmet camera. They’re entering a mine.

After a few moments of pacing restlessly, Garrus picks his way over to Tali. She’s seated on the track in the middle of the cargo bay, and he settles himself next to her without a word. Obligingly, she angles her omnitool so he can see too, tapping a few more times so that the program copies onto his omnitool as well. (She’ll tell Shepard about the code eventually.)

That is how they spend the rest of the mission, sitting next to each other in an almost companionable silence. Garrus is one of the few who treats her like an equal, and so Tali is content to let it be.

* * *

Tali is watching the mission via Shepard’s helmet cam when she sees the commander visibly realize Garrus’s usefulness.

They’re on Luna, taking down a VI gone rogue, and Garrus has kept himself back with his sniper rifle despite the relatively small targets of assault drones. Shepard is a crack shot herself, but even she has opted for a pistol at this point, and Tali watches as a drone to Shepard’s left explodes in a shower of sparks. Shepard’s head swings back, and the quarian sees Garrus’s face twisted into the turian equivalent of a smile; and then Shepard looks forward again and shouts, “Cover me!”

Infiltrators aren’t supposed to go into the open, but Shepard goes forward with Wrex anyway, and Garrus is the one who takes out any drones in his line of fire. _That’s Shepard’s job_ , Tali thinks, but she watches as Shepard takes out a drone with a single shot from her pistol and thinks that maybe Shepard had only been the sniper because she trusted no one else to do it right.

When they return back to the _Normandy,_ Tali asks Garrus about his marksmanship, looking at the turian with a new respect – and she knows Shepard is doing the same.

* * *

They go on a mission to wipe out some geth outposts, and Shepard decides to take Garrus and Tali with her. Tali is not sure why she is brought along – Shepard has made it clear that she worries about her enviro-suit, since one misplaced bullet could mean a painful death by infection – but she is not complaining, as every geth downed means a small victory for her people.

They develop a system, in the short time they have while fighting the machines: Tali carefully advances with her shotgun, while Garrus remains behind, sniping anyone who comes too close. Meanwhile, Shepard alternates between the two of them, using her own sniper rifle alongside Garrus to take out the bulk of enemies before charging in with her assault rifle. Between the three of them, they make easy work of the geth, and soon there’s only the main base left to wipe out.

Tali gets injured there and has to sit out the firefight while she does her best attempt to patch her suit on the field. She gets to watch Shepard and Garrus in action, though, and it’s only now that she understands why the mission has been proceeding so well: the two work together like clockwork. _Bang_ , Garrus ducks down, Shepard darts up, _bang_ , Shepard crouches down, Garrus is already up and _bang_ , again and again and again. When one gets close, Shepard takes out her pistol or her assault rifle and takes the enemy out while Garrus continues to snipe enemies that approach.

Tali is not a necessary component of their teamwork; no one is, she realizes, which is odd, because haven’t they only known each other for a number of weeks? The battle finishes and she watches them holster their guns, and their only acknowledgement of their teamwork is Shepard’s fist nudging Garrus’s arm; then they are both kneeling next to her while Tali waves their concerns away, shaking her head when Garrus offers to carry her.

Tali wonders if Shepard works as well with Ashley, the only other member of their team who could use a sniper rifle, and somehow, she doubts it.

* * *

Tali treasures Shepard’s trust more than the geth data the commander gave her without a moment of hesitation.

Evidently, Garrus does as well, because Tali is slipping into Engineering when she hears him promise to do anything Shepard needs of him; and she hears Shepard laugh, and tell him that they can’t do just anything, because no innocents can be harmed. The human probably doesn’t know the bounds of what Garrus’s admission means, and Tali looks over at Garrus across the hallway, sees him meet her eyes through her mask. Shepard sees it as hero worship, but Tali knows it’s more than that.

Garrus is a good man and an excellent soldier besides. Tali knows how lucky she is to have been given this opportunity, to meet him and the _Normandy_ ’s crew. Shepard, though?

She might have no idea.

* * *

Tali sees the Thorian loom into view, and the only words that make their way out of her throat are “ _Keelah_ , what is that?”

“This wasn’t covered in any C-Sec training manuals,” Garrus says dryly, just behind and to her left, and this causes Tali to giggle despite the situation.

“We’re going to need bigger guns,” Shepard agrees, stepping forward, red hair swishing softly behind her, pistol already in hand, finger hovering over the trigger. She exudes calm, and strength, and loss, and Tali feels her heart thump and knows she would follow this human to the end of time.

Garrus snipes the strange green asari as soon as an altercation becomes evident, and Tali sees how Shepard must have expected it, because the human steps once to the side before the shot rings out and the asari falls. Human and turian are perfectly in sync as Tali takes point, shotgun braced against her middle, and any creepers Tali doesn’t hit either of them take care of with a shot to the head. It is exhilarating and awe-inspiring, all at once, and if Tali is shaking a bit in the knees, she isn’t sure if she should blame adrenaline or fear.

The Thorian falls after Shepard pumps one last node full of slugs, and then they meet Shiala, and then they are back on the _Normandy_ and Garrus and Shepard walk down to the cargo bay together, strategy flying back and forth like the bullets they shoot, and Tali can only shake her head, hopelessly fond.

* * *

When Garrus goes after the salarian doctor Saleon, Shepard takes Tali along. She has been doing that more often, as of late; the human seems to like Garrus and Tali as her permanent ground team, much to Ashley’s disgruntlement, Kaiden’s confusion, Liara’s acceptance and Wrex’s amusement. Tali does not know why, but she does her best to always be at her best, because Shepard is one of the only aliens who has treated her like a person and not a nobody.

And so she watches Garrus – stubborn, driven, idealistic Garrus – put his gun down after only a few sharp, poignant words from Shepard. Privately she is reeling in shock; outwardly she is carefully still and silent, unwilling to infringe on the delicate silence hanging between human and turian. The salarian has been forgotten at this point, but even after Shepard manages to convince Garrus to spare him, the doctor seals his death when he tries to run.

“And so he dies anyway. What was the point of that?” Garrus demands afterwards, hotheaded and angry.

“You can’t control how others will respond,” Shepard explain, holstering her gun. She sounds impatient, but her face is calm, blank, stony. “But you can control how you will act, and that makes all the difference in the end.”

Garrus considers her words, and Tali, sensing the worst of the storm has passed, holsters her shotgun, looking down at the dead salarian just beyond. He is still bleeding in death, and she wonders if he had had a good family, ever had children, ever had a spouse. Who was he when he was a child, she wonders; did he always enjoy genetics, and were his teachers proud of his bright, inquisitive mind? What made him become the criminal he was?

“I understand, Shepard,” Garrus says at last, at length; and Tali snaps to the present, can only gape, looking between the two of them, because if this does not prove that Shepard is the most persuasive person in the universe Tali does not know who else could possibly take the title.

* * *

Tali faces down a corrupted Saren with Garrus and Shepard sniping behind her, trusty shotgun in hand, and finds she does not feel afraid as she releases the Overload program on her omnitool. Saren jumps away just before it activates, narrowly dodging the attack, and Tali instead opts to let her shotgun do the talking.

Saren-Sovereign launches an explosion at her feet, one that sends her flying, hard, into the opposite wall. There’s a shout, and then Garrus is beside her, medi-gel in hand, while Shepard covers them with her assault rifle, determination firm and quiet on her face. Once Tali is back on her feet, the two meld into the surroundings – infiltrators at their best – and Saren howls when a well-placed bullet screams through his skull. Tali cannot comprehend how either of her companions could make a shot, but she doesn’t waste any time, pumping her shotgun and hoping for the best.

Eventually, Saren falls; eventually, the Citadel Tower breaks into pieces, and eventually, she and Garrus are separated from the commander by a fearsome Reaper claw. Tali can hardly stand, and though Garrus tends to her, there is an expression of such profound worry, of such desperate fondness, that strikes Tali as so intimate that she cannot look at him.

Shepard cheats death, as she is wont to do, and Tali cheers hoarsely with the rest of the crew when she returns to the _Normandy_ triumphant, alive, and well.

* * *

Garrus returns to the Citadel after the end. He is going to resume Spectre training, and when Tali hugs him, her mask clinking with his armor, he returns it just as fiercely. They are good friends, now, impossible not to be after watching each other’s backs through thick and thin, and Tali almost wishes she and the rest of them could stay on the _Normandy_ forever.

But then Shepard comes along, and Garrus and Tali break apart, solemnly vowing to keep in touch, and Tali trots some distance away as Shepard addresses Garrus quietly, assuredly. In the end the only thing they do is shake hands, a five-fingered grip in a three-fingered one, but the way they look at each other belies the trust between them, the absolute certainty of friendship and closeness.

Tali looks at them, and she doesn’t have to wonder.

* * *

Three weeks later, Tali has left the flotilla to go to the Citadel, and Shepard is nowhere to be found, because she’s dead and in a coffin and Tali will never see her again.

Garrus is brooding and quiet at the memorial service. Tali sticks close to his side, her hand practically glued to his arm. It’s her anchor, and she thinks it’s his, too, because he never once complains, and he doesn’t move away. Shepard was one of Tali’s dearest friends, one of the only people she ever trusted with her own life, and now, Tali can only feel the gaping hole in her mind, the emptiness in her chest.

Garrus does not speak throughout the entire service. He does not speak afterwards, when he, Tali, Wrex and Ashley convene to share their memories of the commander. He does not speak when he gently removes Tali’s hand from his arm, and he does not answer to his name when he walks away to places unknown.

She returns to the flotilla and tries to call him. She is not surprised when he does not answer. She is also not surprised when she learns, just a few days later, that he has disappeared entirely, and despite her best efforts to track him, he is handy with technology himself and has left no trail.

She has duties to attend to now, too. There is less and less time for her, more and more time for the fleet; she gets a new enviro-suit, a new position, a new command, and then the weeks turn into months and the months turn into a year, then two. She meets Kal’Reeger and they work so well together that it seems so natural when his hand bumps against hers as she complains about the _Neema_ ’s engines. She talks with her father and studies the geth as extensively as the next quarian, and she patches an engine in danger of failing when the air filters threaten to go down around her. Then she is given a squad and is sent after Veetor, and she goes to the human colony and finds it empty except for the mechs Veetor no doubt programmed, and all Prazza wants to do is charge and she is trying to remember how Shepard would do this and is trying to talk him down.

And then Shepard _appears_ , and Tali’s carefully-crafted world crumbles in a single heartbeat.

* * *

When Tali sees Garrus again, it’s months later, on Haestrom. She does not know whether she wants to punch him or hug him. In the end she does both, though she carefully avoids the new scars on his face, and when she hugs him, he returns it so tightly she has to gasp at him to let go.

“You _bosh’tet_ ,” Tali chastises breathlessly when they break away, and if there’s a warble in her voice because her whole unit died and she thought he was dead and Shepard hadn’t spoken to her since the meeting in the colony and Kal’Reegar is still alive, well. No one can blame her. “You could’ve let me know you were alive at some point in the last _two years_.”

“I’m sorry, Tali,” he answers, and she sniffs and punches his arm, to which he chuckles, subharmonics betraying his apologetic tone. Behind him is Shepard, mechanically looting anything she can find, of course, and behind her is a salarian, missing one of his horns, poking around at the deactivated geth and muttering something so fast Tali’s translator can’t quite keep up. She doesn’t care, though, and she aims a swift kick at Garrus’s spur to drive her point home, and then another at his upper leg when he dodges.

Shepard comes up beside the turian then and nudges him with her shoulder; he looks down at her, and at her nod he turns around, takes out his sniper rifle, and situates himself at the entrance of Tali’s hidey-hole. The human turns to her. Shepard makes her offer, one Tali can at last accept with no small sense of relief, and the human’s smile is tired but familiar, like the ache in Tali’s chest since the day the commander died.

Tali gives Kal a careful hug when he promises to inform her father of her decision, clicks her faceplate against his lightly before pulling away, because – because she is so glad he is alive, she supposes, but it’s something more, and maybe she can act on it later, and she feels it when Kal squeezes her hands before he lets go. For now, she joins Shepard and her inevitably synchronized group, and entering the new _Normandy_ feels, oddly enough, like coming home.

* * *

Tali is walking past the giant windows looking down at the cargo bay when she sees them – Garrus and Shepard, sitting side-by-side on top of a crate as they painstakingly disassemble, clean, and reassemble their guns. She’s too far to make out what they’re saying, obviously, that and the glass window prevents her from hearing anything, but she knows they are talking by the way Garrus tilts his head, how his mandibles flutter with surprise and amusement, how Shepard looks more relaxed and is smiling more than Tali has ever seen her.

Shepard has changed since two years ago, of course; this Tali can see in her stance, of the slight slouch in her shoulders and the tired, tired crinkle of her eyes. The human has lived two lifetimes and the galaxy has always needed her to be strong, like she was on Mindoir, like she was on Akuze, twice a survivor and soon twice a hero. But when she is with Garrus, she is younger, more alive and more vibrant, and Tali watches when Shepard laughs and Garrus’s mandibles flare, a private joke that keeps a smile on their faces as they lapse into silence.

She’s jealous, suddenly and only for a moment; Shepard and Garrus have something between them, a comfort and familiarity that she cannot hope to replicate. ( _One day_ , she thinks, remembering Kal’s hand in hers, _one day_.) She considers both dear friends, and she doesn’t know what they are to each other, and it isn’t her place to pry. Not now, at least, as she turns on her heel into Engineering, walking in on Gabby and Ken arguing yet again; later, when the mission is over, when the Collectors are dead. Later, when she has enough solid evidence to start teasing them.

Later, when they can relax.

* * *

Tali sees the new message on her omnitool and almost faints on the spot. Ken and Gabby are kind enough to send a quick note to Kelly, to tell her to tell Shepard that there is a situation, but it’s Garrus who arrives first, trotting into Engineering and stopping in front of her.

“What’s the matter?” he asks, voice neutral, subharmonics betraying his worry. She doesn’t know when he became so easy to read, but at the moment it’s all she can do to choke out the bottom line, that her name is a breath away from exile. Garrus swears dark and fast under his breath, and without a word wraps an arm around her shoulders and squeezes as Tali leans into him.

The minute Shepard bursts in and hears the news – from Garrus, since Tali doesn’t trust her voice not to tremble – she has them change course to the flotilla. Miranda gets angry, but Shepard has never cared about Miranda or Cerberus in general, and for that Tali is grateful, as she tries not to cry and her two best friends in the galaxy hold her hands.

* * *

Tali’s father is dead, and something in Tali breaks, like when she heard Shepard had been spaced. This time, though, she takes a deep breath and lets it go, and whatever had been broken seals itself together, not clean or smooth but whole: she will not let her father down, she will not fall apart and she will carry on no matter the odds. Garrus’s talons are steady on her shoulder as they go on, as are his aim and his rifle, and both he and Shepard pretend that they don’t hear the raspy tears in her voice when she pleads with them not to use her father’s evidence to exonerate her.

“Angel with a shotgun,” Shepard calls her afterwards, a wry smile quirking her lips, and when the trial is over and Tali is still part of the flotilla, and she sees Kal again and hugs him as tightly as he hugs her because either one of them might disappear like her father (because his voice is soft and affectionate and knowing when he holds her, because he said that they should exile him if they exiled her), she looks the phrase up and listens to an old human song.

The lyrics are nothing like her. So she says, looking down at the floor in embarrassment when Garrus tilts his head and rumbles that he thinks the opposite.

* * *

Tali has seen Shepard talk Garrus into lowering his gun before, so she tunes her comm to Shepard and Garrus’s private frequency that they don’t know she knows so she can hear what’s going on, as Garrus sets up high and Shepard walks forward, tall and proud and serious. Sidonis is seated not far away, clicking his talons against his knees, and Tali wonders how much the turian knows.

Shepard talks him down, inevitably, but Tali knows, wisely, to not say a word as she sits quietly in the back of the cab. Garrus falls into his seat like a dead man, and Tali doesn’t know what happened on Omega but she knows it can’t be good, not when Shepard’s mouth is such a thin line as they fly back to the docking bays.

Tali touches Garrus’s arm briefly when they’re reentering the _Normandy_ , and he flashes her a look that is equal parts grateful and angry. Shepard only shakes her head when Tali looks over at her, and so, with one last lingering glance at both of them, Tali turns and goes down the elevator to Engineering. They will talk about it one day, Tali knows as she trots out, bringing up her omnitool, but she also knows that day is not today.

* * *

She sees Shepard and Garrus in the main battery as she digs through the meager dextro stores in the mess. They do not stand close together, but only a _bosh’tet_ could miss the quiet intimacy between them, and Tali, like the other crew members in the mess, turns her head away, dextro ration in hand.

She knows exactly what they are speaking of, and when she sees Garrus later, she touches his arm again, looks up at him with an inquisitive tilt of her head. He nods back at her, blue eyes flashing with hidden truths, and Tali knows that it may not be forgiven, but there is, at least, an understanding between them.

It makes her miss Kal; she sends a message to him that evening via omnitool, and smiles quietly to herself when he responds but an hour later. Perhaps Shepard and Garrus don’t know it yet, but Tali knows the both of them far too well.

* * *

Shepard returns from the wreck of the _Normandy SR1_ in a heavy silence. Tucked under her arm is her old N7 helmet, and she goes to her quarters up top without speaking to anyone. She even goes far enough to lock out her floor in the elevator.

Tali, despite her misgivings about the AI, asks EDI to allow her access. Garrus insists on coming along; out of the rest of the crew, they are the only ones who were on the original _Normandy,_ too (and Joker, but he doesn’t want to walk that far). EDI gives them the go-ahead, and together they find Shepard seated on her bed, hunched over the helmet clenched between her fingers.

Wordlessly they put themselves on either side of her, and Tali takes the dogtags still draped along Shepard’s wrist while Garrus gently slips her helmet from her hands. Shepard doesn’t cry, as Tali puts her arms around the woman, and Garrus completes the hug by reaching around them both.

They rock a little, back and forth, and Shepard closes her eyes and breathes.

* * *

Tali has known Cerberus to be the nefarious organization that it is. Miranda believes the opposite, but as Shepard takes the woman along for mission after mission that continuously blackens Cerberus’s name, Tali can see the woman’s resolve waver.

Everyone agrees that it was probably the facility on Pragia that truly made her begin to doubt. But it is Project Overlord that drives the point home, and that is also when Tali sees Shepard at her weakest, as she holds her hands over her face and repeats, “David hacked my eyes. My _eyes_.”

“Shepard,” Garrus says, soft and so very careful, subharmonics buzzing with worry and tension, and he meets Tali’s eyes, a desperate plea. Tali looks at her omnitool, looks back at him, gives him a small nod; he puts his hands on Shepard’s shoulders and says quietly, so gently Tali feels like she’s intruding, “We’ll come up with something so it doesn’t happen again.”

“I want to get them out,” Shepard says, muffled, “I never asked for this,” and she sounds so broken and so, so weak. She is not invulnerable, Tali realizes, and she’s always known this but she hadn’t ever thought it to be true, not until now.

And then Garrus surprises Tali, because he leans down and presses his forehead to the top of Shepard’s head, breathing quietly, and Shepard doesn’t know what it means because she doesn’t react at all. Tali keeps her mouth shut through sheer willpower and wonders how often Shepard has shown him this side of her, and then she turns, already halfway through a program that could protect the cybernetics in Shepard’s eyes from any hack she can conceive.

* * *

Legion doesn’t apologize for trying to hack into her omnitool, even when Tali’s pointing a gun and Shepard is shouting at them both. It’s a geth, she knows, and she’s sure that it doesn’t understand the concept; it was just looking out for itself and its kind, in the end, and it used the most efficient means possible to do so. That does not make it any better.

In the end she passes on information that isn’t really important, not truly, even though it feels like a betrayal. Shepard demands it, though, and Tali couldn’t look the human in the eye if she got so truly worked up over something like this, not so close to the end of the mission itself.

She suddenly knows how Garrus felt when he’d put his gun down at a few words from their commander, and she laughs a bit to herself as she goes down to Engineering. The Reapers may be coming, and her death may be imminent – but going against Commander Shepard is like looking down the barrel of a gun, literally and otherwise.

* * *

Tali is going through the vents and frantically telling Shepard about how it is heating up inside. Shepard uses her tactical cloak to get in close and open the vents as they go on, and Tali knows without looking that Garrus has the commander’s six, will always have her six as he snipes a Collector that aims a particle beam at her.

Shepard sends her and Mordin back with the _Normandy_ ’s crew once they are found, and Tali is privately grateful for this as she gives first Garrus and then Shepard a tight hug. She knows they have found the perfect partner in each other as she takes point and Mordin the rear, with the crew between them; and she thinks of Kal’Reegar, as they reach the _Normandy_ and she and Mordin quickly begin work on getting the ship into a state where she can fly again.

Throughout it all, Tali keeps her comm tuned to the main frequency, listening to the hoarse commands, the shouts, the gunfire – and she hears Garrus’s dance music on his private channel, and the way Shepard breathes out when she takes a shot through her sniper rifle, and the short, soft words they say to each other, _left_ Garrus says, a shot, and then Garrus chuckles and says _headshot_ and Shepard responds _thanks_. Little things that mean big things, and even when they are separated and on their own teams they keep their comms tuned to the other’s, a breath away as the distance between them grows. Tali hums approvingly when Gabby and Ken report they’ve reconnected everything and the drive core should be set to go, as Garrus shouts for cover fire and Shepard gleefully calls out a headshot.

She is not afraid when the base is set to explode – she has faith in Shepard, and in Garrus, and in their ability to push each other through all odds. And in the end she’s right, even if Shepard is cutting it close as she jumps into the _Normandy_ proper, and she and the rest of the crew pretend not to notice when Garrus presses his forehead against Shepard’s, subharmonics humming in relief and – and that is love, it’s so gentle and pleasant, it has to be. Shepard’s eyes close and she’s smiling, and at last, Tali sees, the human knows what it means.

She calls Kal’Reegar later, leaves a vidmail when he doesn’t pick up – showing him the _Normandy_ ’s drive core, the slipshod repairs, herself and a brief rundown of the mission, because she knows he’ll appreciate knowing that she is not only alive but in a proper vessel that could keep her safe. She misses him as she touches a hand to her faceplate, curled up in a dark corner of the cargo bay, the weight of her avoided death heavy on her shoulders.

* * *

And then they go their separate ways, and Tali and Kal find each other, and they talk in low voices and keep their hands and hearts intertwined, but there is no peace because the Reapers come and all that’s left to do is to fight. (She wants to link suit environments, but neither of them can afford to become ill – not now, not ever. Kal touches her neck so tenderly when she whispers as such, and in the end he kisses her long and slow and they both get sick anyway.)

Tali knows they should fight the Reapers, but this is their only chance to return to Rannoch, and she reluctantly releases Kal’Reegar’s hand and then he’s gone, but Shepard comes and Garrus is with her and it’s not fair. None of this is fair, as she stubbornly insists on Rannoch despite Shepard’s thinning patience and Garrus’s quiet but palpable disapproval; her father is dead, she is an Admiral, and her duty is to her people, first and foremost, and she knows that what she is doing isn’t furthering the interests of the galaxy. But she can’t do whatever she wants; not when her people are counting on her, all seventeen million of them.

Kal is not there to say goodbye when she leaves, and Tali steps into the _Normandy_ again, tells Shepard of her concern and worry and how she doesn’t know what to do, and Shepard cracks her a smile and reassures her it will be fine. Tali stops then, because Shepard is so thin, her face is so gaunt; this ship does not feel like home, not with her captain so weary and little.

She asks quietly, “Shepard, have you been sleeping at all?”

“Stims are pretty great,” Shepard says, which is an answer in and of itself, and Tali only hesitates for a moment before enveloping the other woman in a hug, shutting her eyes tightly when Shepard sags against her. She is still strong, can still fight, can still aim a bullet between a person’s eyes without wavering, but Tali can feel the exhaustion in Shepard’s soft exhale. She wishes she could do more than just comfort her, but she does not understand Shepard’s position, cannot possibly understand how Shepard felt when she closed the doors on the Reapers and killed 300,000 batarians in return, when she is the only link between all of the races in the galaxy.

“I’m all right, Tali,” Shepard says after a few moments, pulling away, shoving red hair behind her ear. It’s gotten longer and it’s tied in a messy bun.

“No, you’re not,” Tali answers, sadly, and she reaches out to grasp the commander’s hand. “Have you let Garrus sleep with you?”

Shepard’s eyebrows rise, and her mouth quirks upwards, mischief dancing in her eyes as she says, “Why, Tali, I’m surprised you would suggest such a thing.”

“Shepard,” Tali says sharply, because she is not letting the human hide behind a joke, and the woman’s smile drops away, quick as it had come. “I’m serious. The nightmares aren’t so bad when you are with someone you love.”

Shepard laughs quietly. “I wouldn’t say that I – ”

Tali doesn’t even have to bother correcting her, as Shepard stops talking and slowly, slowly shakes her head.

* * *

They go to Rannoch, and Tali smiles when Shepard hands her a rock from its surface. The feeling is bittersweet, because even though she is walking on the land of her ancestors, she is holding a gun and she is shooting those who would take it away from her.

She wants to believe everything will be okay once the quarians have Rannoch back. Unfortunately, she knows better.

* * *

Shepard goes to take the Reaper on alone on Rannoch, and Tali has to physically restrain Garrus from following her as Cortez flies the shuttle far and away. It’s not to safety – none of them are moronic enough to think anywhere is safe – but it’s out of the way of the Reaper’s laser, and Tali drives her knee into Garrus’s back and keeps her hands planted on his shoulders.

“Stop it,” she tells him, and is surprised when she hears her voice rasp, and is even more surprised when an intake of breath turns into a hiccup, and then a sob. Garrus only struggles harder, and she repeats shakily, “Garrus, stop it.”

“Let me – ”

“No,” Tali says vehemently, closing her eyes as they sting. “There’s nothing you could do to help her. Jumping out of the shuttle now will only kill you.”

Garrus falls silent and, after a moment, ceases writhing underneath her. She can hear Cortez breathe a soft sigh of relief as Tali gets off of his back, and she waits for the turian to take a seat before slipping into the one next to him, bumping her shoulder against his.

“She’s fine,” Tali says, because she can hear Shepard breathing in her comm, and Garrus says nothing until Shepard gives a hoarse cheer and Cortez whoops that the Reaper has fallen; then he tilts his head back, mandibles tight against his face as he sighs, long and low, and Tali puts her hand on the shoulder of his armor before she stands.

Then Shepard and Legion give Tali her homeworld, and suddenly she’s crying even harder because this is all she has fought for, all her people have fought for, and now that she’s lost everything else, it ( _and Kal’Reegar_ , a small part of her says) is all she has left.

* * *

Tali calls Kal with her omnitool and quietly tells him the news. He is not ecstatic because they regained the planet; rather, he is very pleased that there were few casualties, because that was what he had been afraid of whenever the suggestion of retaking the homeworld had come up.

“It is lonely on this ship,” Tali whispers so no one can hear, wishing she could touch his face again, feel his smooth skin under her fingers. She is curled up under one of the computer interfaces in the war room, holding her omnitool out in front of her. It gives off enough light to illuminate her face. “There are so few people. And it’s too quiet.”

“Personally, I sleep better knowing you aren’t constantly in the line of fire,” Kal’Reegar answers, soft and serious. “You’re an engineer, not a marine.”

Tali smiles wide enough to hurt. It is somewhat ridiculous, but she likes the warmth in her chest too much to care. “I can handle myself, Kal.”

“I know, Tali.” It had taken so long for her to convince him to say her name, and she still shivers at the sound of it, at the way his voice curls over it with such fondness. “Still, I like knowing you’re safe, or, well. As safe as a person can be.”

“I wish I could say the same about you,” Tali says, wistfully, but the reason Kal is out there is the same reason that she is on the _Normandy_ , and she understands that. “I am always afraid that one day, you’ll stop answering my messages.”

“It might happen,” Kal says with his usual frankness, and Tali sighs, shaking her head; and then he hesitates, which is less usual, and then he says quietly, “I suppose that I should tell you that I love you, then. Just in case.”

Tali can’t breathe for all of five seconds, the world slowing down to a halt, silence falling to her ears until she can only hear herself breathing; and then she scowls, and she says with mock-anger, “You _bosh’tet_. How dare you say that when I’m not there in person?” Before he can answer – and he had reared back, as if startled, which is adorable – she tells him, “I love you, Kal’Reegar. Don’t you dare die on me.”

“I’ll do my best, ma’am,” Kal says, snapping off a salute, and despite his ominous words, Tali can only smile widely at him. He smiles back, and after a few more whispered affections and promises neither of them might be able to keep, she ends the call and sits back, basking in the moment because she will not have another chance to later.

“I’m glad for you,” Garrus says suddenly from her left, and Tali jumps, hits her head on the table above her, swears at the pain, and then swears at him for eavesdropping because she hadn’t even noticed him come into the room, _damn snipers, always so quiet and still_. He laughs his way out of the war room, and she feels too soft and glowy to get angry at him.

* * *

Four days later, Kal hasn’t answered any of her messages, all of which grow increasingly frantic. Tali has a million other things to distract her, but his unresponsiveness becomes harder to ignore when she sees Shepard and Garrus standing together in front of the memorial wall, his arm snaked around her waist as she leans into him. They don’t say anything when she steps up next to them and spies Mordin’s name on the wall now; after she finishes a silent prayer for the salarian, whom she had respected for both his strength and his wisdom and his intelligence, she takes her leave.

“Tali,” Shepard says, and Tali stops halfway and turns around. Dread knots tight in her stomach when she sees the commander’s face, and then Shepard says, “I... got a message. About Kal’Reegar and his squad.”

Tali stares at her for a few seconds, frozen in place, uncomprehending. Then her throat closes up and she makes a low keening sound, and she darts away into the elevator before either Garrus or Shepard can reach for her.

She hides herself in a corner of the war room and lets herself cry, quietly so no one can hear, no one can find her. She doesn’t have a family, now, or even the possibility of a future family; all she has is Rannoch, and she weeps because even with Shepard and Garrus, it’s somehow not enough.

* * *

Thessia is yet another nightmare to add to the ranks, and Tali finds solace in purified turian brandy because contacting Kal’Reegar is no longer an option. No one joins her, which is fitting in some ways, and Tali hiccups on a sob as she sips at her glass, feeling so very tired and unhappy and hopeless.

The door opens, and closes; footsteps near, and then Shepard, of course, slides into the spot next to her. One heartbeat passes before she says, “Nice straw.”

“It’s an emergency induction port,” Tali says haughtily, and then she laughs, and then she weeps, and then she whispers, “I miss the days when we were just hunting down a rogue Spectre.”

“Certainly was easier,” Shepard agrees, propping her elbows on the bar, parking her face on her hands.

“It was so simple then,” Tali says, when she was just a young girl on her Pilgrimage with a module of geth data in hand. She hadn’t commanded anyone, then, didn’t have any idea of her future, still had a dad to look up to and all of the technical challenges she could ever want. Now she shoulders the burden of her people, has fallen in love and lost it to war, and carries still other responsibilities that pale to what Shepard currently spearheads.

Shepard doesn’t say anything in response, presently, just keeps Tali company as she sniffs through her drink and, after a few moments, Tali pushes it aside, resting her faceplate on her folded arms. The darkness is comforting, somewhat, and she lets out a shuddery sigh.

“This is when you put a hand on her shoulder, Shepard,” Garrus’s voice says – she hadn’t even heard him come in, damn turian – and then his talons are stroking down her back, gentle and loving, and her shoulders start to shake because it’s not fair that Garrus and Shepard have each other but she has no one, but it’s not fair that Shepard has to do everything and all she has is Garrus, and it’s not fair that Garrus carries his people's hopes like her but has no one but Shepard.

Tali cries for her and for them, and they let her.

* * *

Tali stays in the war room whenever possible. Shepard joins her early in the day, and Garrus is always there afterwards, bearing coffee for Shepard and kava for himself and Tali. She drinks it through her emergency induction port, quietly, as Garrus and Shepard go through what needs to be done in the eighteen hours that they are awake, and when Shepard asks Tali to join them on a mission, she agrees, listlessly.

She takes point, and it’s familiar and mechanical as she shoots a husk in the face and then smashes another with the butt of her shotgun when it draws too close. Garrus snipes a marauder further down, and a sudden flash of fire jumps out as Shepard taps out an Incinerate on her omnitool, and then Tali turns and is punched into the air by a brute hiding behind the corner. Already she can feel antibiotics pumping into her system – a suit rupture, then – as she hits the ground hard, most of her weight landing on one hip.

Just like the battle with Saren, Garrus is the first to reach her, as Shepard lands a bullet right in the brute’s head and then another in short succession. Rather than wait for her to get up, Garrus merely swings her into his arms, despite her protests, and dutifully follows Shepard as she darts ahead. Tali continues to pump her shotgun until her fever is enough to make her aim erratic – not like she could do a field repair in her current position – and by the time she is settled gently in the medbay, she is so delirious that she forgets to keep quiet.

“Sometimes I wish I was dead,” she tells Garrus, words slurred, his face coming in and out of focus. His blue eyes widen, widen, widen behind that visor, and she giggles and says, “Won’t have to wait too long.”

“Tali,” he says, and his subharmonics are buzzing at this point with something she can’t name, but she shakes her head, smiling at the bright-lit ceiling. Chakwas is at her side; she’d recognize the cool, smooth hands anywhere. “Tali, listen.”

“I thought I did everything right,” Tali says; “I reclaimed the homeworld like I was supposed to. But everyone died anyway. It’s only fair that I join them.”

 _Shepard and Garrus aren’t dead_ , a part of her thinks, and Garrus says something else to her, but it’s tinny and distant and she doesn’t hear it.

* * *

She wakes up to soft voices and realizes that Garrus and Shepard are seated next to her cot. She keeps her eyes closed and strains her ears; but no, they are speaking too quietly for her to make out the words, and so she lets out a sigh and opens her eyes, feeling so very tired and so very done with everything.

“Tali,” Shepard says, and Tali lolls her head to the side to look at them. Shepard’s face is a careful mask, one that means she’s thinking something but she doesn’t want others to know what, yet; Garrus is completely expressionless, but his mandibles are pulled tight across his face and his eyes are unblinking.

“I didn’t mean it,” Tali says, and some part of her – a larger part than she originally thought – knows it’s a lie. Her father is dead; Kal’Reegar is dead; her people are where they should be; the geth are their allies now; and the Reapers are on their doorstep, threatening to unravel all life itself. She’s done all that she can, all that she could ever do. Now, she’s parading about like she’s more than she is when she is just one little quarian machinist lying down next to the most powerful people this galaxy has ever known.

“Tali,” Shepard says again, her hand settling on hers, and Tali surprises herself when she shakes off the human’s touch, moving her head so she’s looking up at the ceiling again.

“If you are trying to comfort me, you are not succeeding,” Tali tells them, strangely wishing for her shotgun to be in her hands. “I am with you until the end, Shepard, but this is not something you can fix.” She sighs, closes her eyes. “You are both very dear to me, but please, seeing you together is difficult.”

There’s a sharp intake of breath, probably from Garrus. Tali half-wishes for one of them to say something, to be sympathetic or to get angry; but instead, after a few moments of silence, Shepard gets up, and then her footsteps fade away. After a few moments, Garrus touches his fingers to her faceplate, and then he follows, and then Tali is alone. Even Chakwas has left.

She starts crying again. Seems she can’t help it, these days.

* * *

“What I said was unfair, Shepard,” Tali says later, when she’s back in the war room and Shepard walks in. Tali looks her straight in the eye, and says, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t force my wallowing on you. Not when you have so much to do already.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. We’ve all lost something to this damned war,” the human says, eyes veiled. Tali swallows hard and nods, just once.

Garrus comes in soon afterwards, bearing kava for Tali as well, and then he stands carefully apart from Shepard. She rolls her eyes; apparently they were taking what she said yesterday to heart, and so she says teasingly, “Don’t tell me you’re never even going to hold hands while I’m around now.”

“You said it made you unhappy,” Garrus answers, mandibles flaring briefly in surprise.

“I said it was difficult,” Tali corrects, remembering it through the foggy dream. “I’m glad you two have found something that makes you both happy. Seeing you happy makes me happier, too.”

“Are you sure?”

Tali nods, a bit impatiently, and Garrus’s subharmonics are laughing as he says, “Your logic never ceases to amaze me, Tali,” one browplate lifting in a move he’d stolen from humans and asari.

“Keelah knows we need happiness whenever we can get it,” Tali answers, and she proceeds to make a cooing sound when Garrus leans over to press his forehead against Shepard’s head. The human snorts, but she returns the gesture, and even though Tali feels Kal’s absence like a thorn in her side, she doesn’t feel so sad anymore.

Being sad is so _tiring_ , she thinks, and when she laughs, Shepard looks up with a startled smile and Garrus’s subharmonics hum.

* * *

Tali goes to Shepard’s party on the Citadel because she figures it’s good for her, after the excitement of the day. She stays in a corner with a glass of purified water, and occasionally people come to talk to her – Miranda, for a bit, who doesn’t ask for forgiveness and understands her actions may not merit it, and also Joker and EDI, who keep her laughing with their wisecracks, which grow continuously wild as they try to one-up each other. Usually, though, she remains alone, and she watches people interact and smile like they haven’t smiled in days.

 _Everyone’s lost something_ , Shepard had said. Tali knows this is true. She’s seen it in the hastily-converted refugee areas on the Citadel, on the Memorial Wall, in every soldier’s eyes, and she herself knows firsthand how hard it is to keep going sometimes.

Inevitably, people leave Shepard’s apartment, and Tali stands up as well, glass only half-empty; it had been a quiet party, and she places her glass by the sink in the kitchen and thinks about places she can go. She isn’t about to intrude on the Shepard-Vakarian love nest, but the only place she can think to go is the _Normandy_ , and it’s already quite late – not that the Wards ever sleep, but still.

“We’re watching _Fleet and Flotilla_ ,” Shepard says suddenly, when Tali’s hand is already reaching up to the door. Tali looks over her shoulder to see Garrus with an OSD copy of the movie – it must be years old at this point, and she doesn’t doubt that he bought it when it first came out– and Shepard smiles. “You want in?”

It’s tempting, because she adores that movie and she’s already watched it today and she’d love to watch it again. But Tali shakes her head. Garrus knows very well what’s she doing, and he keeps his mandibles pressed tightly against his face as he says, “Tali,” his subharmonics humming with worry.

“I’m fine, Garrus. I just don’t want to interrupt. This is one of the last days before – the end,” she says, stumbling over what to call it. “You should enjoy yourselves, okay?”

She leaves before Shepard can make an inappropriate comment or Garrus can protest further. She wraps loneliness around her like a cloak, but at least her two favorite people in the world are all right, and in the end, that – and Rannoch – has to be enough for her.

* * *

Tali screams herself hoarse when Shepard sends her and Garrus back to the shuttle. Part of it has to do with a suit rupture; another part is fear. The rest is sheer anger that Shepard would throw her life away all alone, like she doesn’t know that Tali and Garrus would gladly follow her into hell, had promised her they would follow into hell with guns blazing.

Garrus is tight and silent beside her when Tali lapses into yet more tears, and she knows she’s crying for everyone as Cortez drives them away. In the end, the turian sits her down as gasping sobs shake her entire body, and she rocks back and forth with a low keening sound even as they manage to return to the _Normandy_ in one piece.

The entire crew listens in breathless silence as Admiral Hackett tells Shepard the Crucible isn’t working; and then Shepard lets out a gasp, a pained sound, and Garrus’s hands tighten into fists. Her comm shorts out soon after, and as time goes on and on and there’s nothing, nothing, nothing and no one dares to say a word – and then the Crucible glows red, and EDI tells Joker that they have to leave now lest they become vaporized.

The pilot doesn’t want to leave without the commander. No one wants to leave without the commander. But they leave without the commander anyway.

Tali continues to shake and weep, and Garrus holds her numbly, coldly as the _Normandy_ shudders and groans and Joker’s hands dart to and from his screen.

* * *

They crash-land on a planet. They lose EDI. They lose the most important person in the entire galaxy, and Tali can’t bring herself to stand up, to step outside of the ship, to see where they have arrived.

Comm buoys are down. Mass relays are also down. EDI is still and silent, and Joker is gaunt-faced and quiet. There is no dextro-friendly food save for the rations in the ship, but Garrus and Tali work themselves to the bone to get the ship up and running regardless. So does everyone else.

In the brief periods when they rest, Tali seats herself right next to her turian friend and holds his hand. She doesn’t know if he appreciates it, but she needs the contact, needs a way to steady herself because she’s lost the one person she loved and now she’s lost one of her best friends, and one errant thought is enough to get her bawling these days. Weeping drains her energy, and no matter what, he helps her to her feet and they set back to work, just as tirelessly as before.

No one knows what to do with the two of them. Ashley is an old, exhausted warrior like them, but her bond with Shepard was – is – different, stronger in some ways and weaker in others. The rest of the crew knows Shepard mostly through reputation, knows Tali and Garrus through reputation – there’s no Shepard without Vakarian, they whisper, there’s no Shepard or Vakarian without Zorah, and then Tali has to sit down and Garrus sits down with her until her shudders pass.

Her entire body aches as she plunges her hands into errant wires and loose coolant systems. She never once complains.

Shepard, after all, never did.

* * *

They get the _Normandy_ up and running. It’s a close thing, and they need more than anything else a proper station to repair, but Joker gets them into space and eases the ship on course to a mass relay. They know it’s deactivated. They have no other choice. They’ll orbit it for as long as they can.

“If I am going to die,” Tali announces croakily as she lies prone in the medbay, “It will not be from starvation.”

Garrus lets out a rumble of agreement. Chakwas laughs a small, humorless laugh, tells them they should sleep and try not to waste energy. A medically-induced coma, she’s saying, but both Garrus and Tali refuse. There are still precious few rations in the mess, and they have both decided that they will go down with this ship awake or not at all. The doctor tuts but leaves them to it, and they lapse into silence when the old woman departs, boots tapping staccato on the _Normandy’s_ ripped flooring.

“Hey, Tali.”

She hums.

“Do you remember when you said you wanted to die?”

“Yes.” With perfect clarity, in fact. “Why?”

“Do you still want to?”

Her eyes slip shut, and she sighs. All she has is Rannoch. And Garrus, but even that isn’t permanent, when he’ll go back to Palaven and she’ll go back to whoever needs a quarian Admiral the most.

“The Reapers are gone,” she says; “There is nothing left for me to do now.”

There’s a warning rumble in his subharmonics as he asks, “Is that a yes?”

“It is not,” Tali says, without missing a heartbeat. “It is just that at this point, I find it hard to care.”

“The quarians will need you, especially if the geth plan to coexist with your people.”

“I miss Legion,” Tali says, and it’s such an inexplicable feeling when she’s hated the geth for most of her life, but Legion – she misses Legion, in ways she can’t quite name. It’s a bitter longing that reminds her of Shepard, but she is all cried out and remains dry-eyed. “I miss EDI. I miss Kal’Reegar. _Keelah,_ I miss Kal. And Shepard. Without Shepard there to help ease things through...”

“I will not believe she is dead until I see her body,” Garrus rasps, raw and aching, and Tali can feel his pain as a physical itch against her aural canals. “We can’t give up, Tali.”

She sniffs. So much for being cried out. “I expect calls at least once a week, _bosh’tet_.”

“What, you can’t call _me_? Some tech guru you are.”

It’s a weak jest at best, but they laugh together anyway, a little bit – and even though Tali feels as though the universe is pressing down on her shoulders in a weight she cannot possibly carry, she is smiling.

* * *

They wait by the mass relay for a week when, without warning, it powers up and a small fleet of ships jumps through. Elcor, according to Joker (without EDI they have lost so much), and they help the _Normandy_ limp through the relay to Omega of all places to fix up the worst of the ship’s problems. Garrus and Tali bolt the instant dextro food becomes available, and the crew listens to Aria – of course Aria survived – as she tells them what she knows.

Most relays are still down, but comm buoys have been largely reestablished – the only things affected by the red blast of energy was artificial intelligence, it seems, but not VIs or other electronics. This sends a chill up Tali’s spine, one Garrus doesn’t miss because his talons are resting on her lower back; this means the geth, and everything Legion sacrificed himself for, are gone, taken away in a single instant.

(She cries again, later. It’s embarrassing. It’s awful. She mourns Legion like he was an old friend, and maybe he was.

She had no idea she could cry so much.)

Otherwise, repairs are proceeding slowly but surely. Aria remains stony-faced as she relays that Shepard’s fate is still unknown, and Tali can only guess what emotions are roiling behind that cool mask. She does know that she and Garrus immediately pounce on that spark of hope, even though it’s likely not for the best, and throw themselves back into repairing the _Normandy_ with renewed fervor. Everyone is eager to go to the Citadel – to find Shepard, to save Shepard.

They get a call from Miranda, who informs Garrus and Tali and Joker alone that she is quietly searching on the Citadel and she will notify them the instant she finds anything. Samara is with her, somehow, Kolyat as well since he never left, a few survivors from the hospital he had been sheltering in, and Tali miraculously doesn’t cry as Garrus thanks them all, thickly.

She and Garrus go out onto the ruined Omega later, seating themselves on a perch of rubble and pressing themselves together. He’s wearing civvies for once, sharp angles jutting against her curves as she leans against him, and after a few minutes Ashley joins them to settle at their feet, and Aria appears with drinks in hand.

“A toast,” Aria says, though to what she doesn’t specify. Tali takes out her emergency induction port – now equipped with a self-built filtration system – raises her glass, and downs it with the rest of them in silence.

* * *

They find Shepard.

More specifically, Kolyat finds Shepard, when he ventures to her last known location – the Citadel Tower. She is still and silent and unmoving when he tilts his omni-tool so they can see her in her cot, but she is breathing, somehow, desperately dehydrated and her body eating itself in an attempt to not die.

“Say what you will of those weak, soft-skinned humans,” Tali says, half-joking, half-shocked, her voice quivering terribly, “their bodies are built for survival.”

Ashley snorts. Garrus’s eyes are closed and he’s breathing in short, sharp hisses, relaxing marginally when Tali taps her faceplate against his shoulder. The rest of the crew is crowded around Joker’s seat as Kolyat explains how Miranda, deliberate and careful in the background, is using needles and IVs to get needed nutrients and liquid into Shepard’s body.

Shepard is covered in bruises and scars and she’s missing part of her right leg. But she’s alive.

“We should throw a party,” Specialist Traynor says, and Tali wraps both arms around Garrus when the turian lets out an almost inaudible sob. At least she’s not the one crying this time, she thinks, and when her chuckle turns into relieved laughter, more than few others join in.

* * *

Shepard is still bedridden when they finally get to the Citadel ( _finally, finally, it’s been over a month, finally_ ), but the instant the human sees them her eyes crinkle at the corners and she _beams,_ like sunlight rising over the horizon. She looks so, so exhausted and worn out and weak and thin, and she is the best thing Tali has ever seen in her life.

Tali lets Garrus go first, stopping at her bedside and dropping to his knees so they’re level, and Shepard murmurs quietly as she touches his face and then presses her forehead to his, her lips to his mouth, her hand against the side of his face. It lasts just a minute, during which Tali politely looks away and taps away at her omni-tool – Solitaire, something Garrus had introduced to her on their nerve-wracking trip here – and then Shepard says, “Tali, if you don’t give me a hug I am going to kick your ass as soon as I can stand.”

“Shepard,” Tali says, arm dropping, and whatever else she was going to say is lost as something lodges in her throat and she chokes, darting forward to throw her arms around the human’s neck. As per protocol, she is crying, and she sniffs as she warbles, “This is the sixteenth time I’ve cried this week, Shepard, just so you know.”

“What can I say? I’m well-loved.”

“Oh, _keelah,_ you have no idea,” Tali says, thinking of James Vega and Samantha Traynor and Ashley Williams and Miranda Lawson and Samara and Wrex and Grunt and Kasumi Goto and Liara T'Soni and Jack and Zaeed Massani and even old, butt-hurt Javik, and then there was the rest of the galaxy at large.

“Now, I _could_ take that the wrong way, but – ”

“Shepard, shut up,” Garrus says preemptively, and Tali moves out of the way so he can stroke her face with a talon, so he can see that she’s real, that she’s alive. There’re longs cuts streaked across her cheeks, neck, shoulders, every part of her body Tali can see, battle scars of what she has gone through, and even then she is no less beautiful.

“Some friends you are,” Shepard scoffs, and then she laughs, and then she wipes her eyes.

“Best friends,” Tali corrects, leaning forward on the little stool she hadn’t noticed she’d sat on. “If you don’t call me your best friend after all this shit we’ve been through, I am going to be personally offended, Shepard.”

“Garrus doesn’t count?”

“Of course not. We all know he means nothing to you.”

“Ouch,” Garrus says, at the exact same time Shepard does, and this bantering is so familiar and wonderful that Tali – well, she’s already crying, it’s not like it can get any worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angel with a Shotgun is a song by the Cab.
> 
> Happy one-day-late N7 day!


	2. home is where the heart is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He promised Tali that he would return to her. He never broke his promises, no matter how empty they were.
> 
> Or: what if Kal’Reegar survived the war?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative summary: what if BioWare hadn’t been a little bitch and killed Kal off via email? (courtesy @euxiom)

Kal’Reegar has had his suit cut open before – it comes with the job description, with him being a marine. Commander Shepard had once asked why quarians had marines when they were so delicate, and he remembers how Tali’Zorah had quickly admonished her, and he also remembers politely correcting her because the Commander had been right: quarian marines die frequently, fast, and hard. They aren’t snipers or mechanics or anything of the sort, able to make a break for it if things turn sour; they’re the ones who protect their infiltrators and engineers while they run. They aren’t cannon fodder, to be sure – but in comparison to other races, there’s not much else they _can_ be.

The point is that Kal’s had to do some pretty extensive field repairs on his suit before. He’s almost died a couple of times, hasn’t yet, but he’s got the scars to prove it. Tali had fussed over him when he’d told her about them, he remembers.

This is not a slash in his suit that he can fix with some quick hands and quick thinking, though. This is a _rupture_ , and he can’t feel his right leg.

* * *

The infection sets in about two minutes after the comm tower’s back up. Most everyone around him is dead. He finds it hilarious how his hands are shaking, or he would if he wasn’t in the middle of fighting for his life on this turian moon far away from home.

(Home, home, whatever home is – the Fleet? Rannoch? _Tali_ , he thinks, and wants to cry.)

One of his squadmates lets out a choked gasp in her comm before collapsing onto the rocks, blood staining her suit blue as a cannibal stumbles closer to her, howling, jaws agape. She’s not dead, but she will be soon, and Kal would try to clear the area a bit more so he could stumble over and apply medigel or something, anything, if his head wasn’t floating away and there wasn’t something digging into the meat of his right calf. He can barely heft his rifle as he headshots a marauder, and then he can’t stop a hysteria-fueled laugh when a turian yells “Brute!” and breaks out of her cover twenty yards ahead. She lasts a heartbeat before the lumbering atrocity barrels her down, a final scream cut short, and Kal slumps against the rock he’s sheltering behind and tries to stop the endless, frantic giggles from bubbling out of his throat.

He’s going to die, he realizes with sudden, awful clarity. He’s going to die, right here, right now, alone and bleeding and gasping for air, his entire body aching, a rock stabbed into his right calf and he can’t feel it but he can see it, fever making his head spin and his vision darken at the edges, and worse, worse, worst of all, he’s going to –

 _I’m going to leave Tali behind_.

The thought thunders through him. Instantly – it feels like instantly, it’s probably a number of seconds, maybe a minute even, but if feels like instantly – his vision clears, his hands stop shaking, the pain fades to a dull, pounding pulsation. There’s one thing he can’t do, and _Keelah_ it would be so easy to let go, but there’s no choice because he absolutely can’t die here in this miserable place, he couldn’t do that to himself, to her.

He headshots the brute twice, three times for good measures before putting the sniper rifle away and taking out his rocket launcher instead. It’s loud and ringing in his ears and everything’s fuzzy – he’s not sure what’s happening, to be honest, and he’s not sure how long he’s out there, blowing up anything that moves fast and shoots at him. He only knows when he’s out of ammo and curled up, wheezing on air as he shakily taps at the rock in his skin, tenderly pulling and unable to bite back a scream, and then he’s being – lifted? – and an awed voice says, “He fought them off all by himself.”

“And his whole squad’s gone, too, spirits.”

He doesn’t have time to assess whether he’s safe or not. For now, he just passes out.

* * *

He fades in and out of consciousness. He thinks so, at least. It’s really hard to tell, to track reality. He keeps hearing Tali’s laugh in his aural canals and his dreams are filled with images of ships, of home, of her.

* * *

When he wakes up – not that half-awake, half-dead bullshit that he’s put up with for Keelah knows how long, when he _wakes up_ – it feels like his entire body is burning to a crisp. He doesn’t dare open his eyes because of it, his eyelids wouldn’t cooperate if he tried, he’s pretty sure, but maybe that’s a mistake because he feels himself pulling back moments later and then it’s darkness again.

(Darkness and dreams. Tali. Brutes. The sight of a cannibal ripping a turian to shreds, a marauder coolly sniping a batarian in the head. Tali again, glowing eyes crinkled at something he’d said. _I love you_.)

After what feels like seconds he’s back, and this time he forces his eyes open and sees the dirty canvas of a medical tent above him. There’s a whole manner of noises around him – calm voices, pained moans, raging shouts, demands and orders and requests that blur together so quickly a headache starts to pound behind his left temple.

He’s surprised the turians have spent time keeping him alive – he’s a quarian, after all. They don’t get the good drugs, which is why everything hurts to hell and back, and they don’t get surgery, which is why his right leg feels like nothing and he can’t flex the muscles at all. But he’s _alive_ is the thing, which seems a bit wasteful because even he knows that they should have let him die. A quick check shows that they’d even sealed his enviro-suit properly, though he’d have to go and scour it clean later himself, and he brushes a trembling hand over the red threads on his chest with a small smile. He’s grateful, of that there’s no doubt, even with the fever boiling in his skin.

“You should sleep,” a flanged voice says from his left. He doesn’t have to move his head to see them, thankfully; it’s a turian peering down at him, green eyes bright behind white clan markings. “You’ve been through hell, your body’s not even close to recovering. We’re shipping you off-planet in two hours.”

By some miracle, he’s able to swallow. He does that first before he asks, “Where?” and he resists the urge to cough at the croakiness of his voice. It’d probably just hurt.

“Rannoch. Some geth sent a flagship when they heard about your squad. They’re taking you and some of our guys.” Kal opens his mouth to ask a question – _did any other quarians survive?_ – but the turian shakes their head and cuts him off. “Sleep, quarian. You’ll get the answers you want later.”

Kal purses his lips but says nothing, because he’s a good marine and he follows orders when they’re not stupid. The turian nurse moves off.

* * *

He’s not sure when he passes out again, but he’s being carried by a geth prime when he startles back into consciousness, and, you know, there are a lot of weird things that have happened to him in his life, but this one is downright surreal.

He takes a quick moment to assess, as much as he can with a pounding headache and a dizziness that threatens to topple him even if he’s not upright. His right leg feels like deadweight and he can’t move any part of it, which isn’t promising. Otherwise, he’s sweating bullets. One of his eyes is swollen shut. The plates in the back of his neck feel too tight. It takes a hilarious amount of effort to lift his head, but he swallows his giggles because beyond that, beyond everything, there is a cool sensation of relief washing through his body: he is _alive_.

“Creator Kal’Reegar,” the geth prime says, well, primly. It keeps its flashlight head angled away as a courtesy, thought Kal gets the feeling that it would maintain eye contact otherwise. If he could consider it eye contact, he muses, as the geth observes, “You are awake.”

“Kind of,” Kal answers dazedly. He’s coherent enough to ask, “What’s going on?”

“I am transporting you to the geth vessel for extraction.” _I_ , it says; he’s heard the geth are full-fledged AIs now, but he hadn’t actually stopped to consider what that meant. If he’d been able to contact Tali – “I estimate five minutes remain until we reach the airfield. Are you comfortable?”

Kal would laugh, if he doesn’t think it would hurt. “Not really, but there isn’t much to be done about it.”

“Painkillers will be available upon entry to the vessel.”

“Not necessary,” Kal says. He half-wishes he could pinch himself. Civilly conversing with a geth? His mother would have shot it dead the moment it entered her line of sight.

“I question the validity of that statement, Creator Kal’Reegar. Your vitals suggest extreme physical trauma and, in a state of emergency, organics perform significantly worse when experiencing pain.”

... It almost sounds like the geth is sassing him. The dull pulse in his temple reminds Kal to keep from shaking his head in wonder. “I’ve been unconscious for long enough. Painkillers will knock me out.”

He might be mistaken, but the geth’s tone sounds vaguely disapproving as it speaks. “Acknowledged. I will allocate the medication to other passengers.” The plates around the geth’s flashlight eye flare briefly, and Kal can feel something whirr deep in its torso. “I can nevertheless provide a sedative later, should you wish it.”

“I’ll let you know if I do.”

The geth nods, a very quarian-like gesture at odds with the rest of its unnatural gait and still shoulders, and that’s that. Kal turns his head to the side to look ahead once it’s clear the conversation isn’t going to continue, ignoring how each jostling step shoots a flare of pain through his chest, and tries not to notice how the fighting hasn’t come close to stopping, how it seems like they’re losing.

The geth vessel, when it comes into view, is familiar in a way that makes Kal uneasy and tense. _Why an insect of all things_ , he thinks as they approach; it doesn’t seem particularly aerodynamic or utilitarian, the principle geth seemed to swear by. He hardly notices as the geth prime exchanges a series of clicking sounds with the small sniper unit standing guard at the entrance. It’s only when he catches sight of the interior – clinical, pristine, _cold_ – that he starts to feel compressed. He doesn’t complain, though, even if the cot the geth prime settles him on is stiffer than the military ones he’d used in training. He’s still alive, after everything, and that’s what matters the most.

Tali is waiting for him. Or, at least, he hopes she is.

* * *

“Creator Tali’Zorah is on the _Normandy_.” A brief pause, filled with a few garbled clicks. “Should you not be resting, Creator Kal’Reegar?”

The geth prime, Kal has since learned, has a name – Brigade. It also does not identify with any gender and is significantly more patient with Kal’s endless queries than any other geth units stationed on the ship.

Presently Kal waves a restless hand. He’s running a fever, of course, but he’s not dizzy when he sits up and he has mobility, save for his leg. According to one of the smaller geth units, referring to itself as Dawn, the leg will either have to be amputated and replaced or he will have to use a cane to walk. It’s something he’s put to the back of his mind, for now, to air out the issue when there’s time to. “I’m as well as I’ll ever be. And Kal is fine.”

“Acknowledged. I will change your designation from Creator Kal’Reegar to Kal in my runtimes. Do you require anything else?”

He’s not sure why Brigade talks the way it does. He only knows the barebones of programming, but he would guess that it reflects binary and how everything in code is either _yes_ or _no_. Tali probably knows better than him.

(Another wave of unadulterated fear and regret and sheer longing comes and goes. He ignores it as best he can.)

“Is there any way I can contact her?”

“It should be possible via omni-tool, provided it is able to bypass her encryptions.” Brigade inclines its head. “It is likely your omni-tool should function in this regard, Kal.”

He winces. “Lost it in the field. Husk clawed it right out of my suit.”

“In that case, it will not be easy. The _Normandy_ is perpetually mobile and impossible to detect through conventional means. With Legion no longer on board, there is no way to otherwise make contact.” Brigade lets out a string of garbled clicks and chirps; Kal interprets it as a sigh. “Other platforms and I will aid you as best as we can.”

“I appreciate it.”

Brigade nods before lifting itself from where it had been crouching by his bedside. At its full height, the geth prime towers over him even, even while hunched over. “We will arrive at Rannoch in less than one standard hour. Admiral Raan would like to speak with you upon landing.”

Kal lets himself smile a bit as he says, “Acknowledged.”

Brigade seems to waver for a moment – it had been walking towards the door, but now it pauses, glancing over its shoulder. After a few moments, it lets out a single chirp, and then the door opens, closes, and it’s gone.

He could be wrong, but he thinks he just made a geth prime unit laugh.

* * *

Kal meets Admiral Raan lying on a stretcher. It’s not his best entrance. It’s also not his worst, and he’ll take what he can get at this point. There are more embarrassing things than having an Admiral walk beside him as a quarian and a geth unit carry him along, and at least he can’t be blamed for being a bit woozy: he has a fever, and he’s also having a hard time focusing in general because he’s never seen the Admiral without her faceplate. He hadn’t been aware that they could – they could _do_ that on Rannoch, and to think Tali had been such an integral part of bring the quarians back here...

He’s so proud of her. That’s the only way he can describe the warmth threatening to burst from his chest.

“Tali will be very happy to hear you are alive,” the Admiral says to him. “We all are. When we heard about your unit, we feared the worst.”

“Almost didn’t make it at the end,” Kal says. His words are a little slurred. “Got _very_ lucky.”

“So you did,” Admiral Raan says. It’s so odd to see her smile, but he’s glad for it, too. “As soon as you have recovered more, I will do everything I can to get you in touch with her.” There’s an unspoken _if_ , _if_ Tali is still alive by that point, and Kal swallows hard as the Admiral says, gently, “We’ve been told that the war nears its completion. Take the time you need to heal, Kal’Reegar.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Kal says, feeling his chest constrict, hoping against hope that Tali is okay, wherever she is. Hell, he’d go for _alive_ at this point, so long as he got to see her face again.

“I will send them a message concerning your well-being,” Admiral Raan informs him as they finally enter a building. Kal can instantly tell it’s a medical center of some sort, sterile and clinical and white, and then she stops as his stretcher is carried off further inside. “We will speak soon,” she calls after him, and, inexplicably, he thinks he can hear something like sorrow in her voice.

* * *

The next time Kal wakes, he’s too disoriented to get a grasp on his surroundings no matter how hard he tries. He identifies it as sedatives, though, not something to be terribly concerned about. He has no idea how much time has passed, but he’s alone, he’s been stripped out of his suit, and he’s resting in what is probably a completely sterile room, on a cot and covered in a thin sheet.

He can’t feel his leg, still, but at least nothing hurts, and his eyes shut as soon as he manages to open them.

* * *

“We beat the Reapers,” he thinks he hears. It’s a dream, because that’s too good to be true.

* * *

“We defeated the Reapers,” Admiral Raan tells him later, him propped in a wheelchair and her seated across from him. They’re in the food court of the medical center’s atrium, table for two, datapads strewn haphazardly across its surface. His faceplate is off and the soft breeze brushing against his skin is… foreign. Wondrous, to be sure, and he can’t stop reaching out to _smell_ things.

“That’s great news,” Kal says, because it is, but he can tell by the Admiral’s expression that there’s more to it than just that. He waits it out, cupping the mug of something between his hands, not drinking it just yet because it’s warm. It also smells awful, something he hadn’t been aware of when he’d worn his faceplate, but it’s coincidentally one of the more common teas quarians traditionally drink while ill. The taste is slightly different without his portable filter ( _a straw_ , Tali had told him once, giggling, and his heart aches), but it’s not overall unpleasant. It soothes the itch of his wounds, at least.

“Mass effect relays are down, and we have lost contact with the _Normandy_ ,” Admiral Raan says, watching him, and he hides the gaping, yawning feeling in his stomach by taking another sip of his tea. The dread that trickles ice-cold down his spine almost makes him shiver, but he’s always been stoic and he knows his face is unreadable. Admiral Raan still takes a few more moments to examine him before shaking her head and picking up her own mug. “Commander Shepard is also missing.”

He looks around to distract himself. Quarians fill the space in the atrium, chatting, laughing, mourning, crying. He hadn’t noticed it before, but the geth receptionist is gone. He wondered what happened to it.

“Additionally,” Admiral Raan says, noting the direction of his gaze, “All AI have been shut down. They no longer function.”

Kal’s head whips around so fast he can hear the bones in his neck audibly crack. Admiral Raan’s expression is somber. That explains where the receptionist had gone, at least, and –

All he can think of, for a few stuttering moments, is _Brigade_.

“Shit,” he says, briefly forgetting himself and that he is sitting next to someone who greatly outranks him, and her laugh is small and humorless as she picks up a datapad.

* * *

Tali had saved them from certain doom, he thinks distantly, later at night in his cool, disinfected room; Tali had helped, she’d done it, it had happened at terrible cost but it had _happened_. To think, all he had survived because of the thought of her.

He chokes, then – to think, all she had survived despite thinking he was dead.

* * *

The weeks pass in a blur, then, or at least he feels like everything is happening too quickly for him to process. It’s a long time before his fellow quarians deem him well enough to be discharged, and even then, he leans heavily on a cane as he looks at one of the many small housing units the geth had managed to build before their untimely demise. His home now, he supposes, but all he’s ever known is war, strife, and motion. It feels artificial. It feels like the world will fall from underneath his feet if he doesn’t plant his cane down hard enough into the dirt.

Home is where Tali is, he thinks, faintly, and then shakes the thought as he hobbles closer. He’s alone now; though there’s a small sliver of his heart holding onto the tendril tying them together, he hasn’t gotten this far as a soldier by being optimistic. Tali wouldn’t want him to mope, anyway.

The unit is empty when he uses the key given to him to enter. It has a bedroom, a living room, a bathroom, and a kitchen. The whole place is furnished and functional. It’s enough to house a family – two families, given how little room quarians are accustomed to, and the spacious emptiness of it threatens to swallow him whole.

All of his friends are in the military. Most, if not all of them, his entire squad, have died.

“Welcome to the rest of my life,” he mutters, grim, and his laugh, morbid and self-deprecating, is genuine.

* * *

The rest of his life is dull. Rannoch is beautiful and there’s so much to see, so much to do, and he spends his time with the small school set up near the medical center, covering the military-related topics that quarians need to learn for their Pilgrimages.

(He remembers his Pilgrimage. He’s not sure if they still need them now that they have their planet back, but he’s not one to question his betters and he’d needed a gun for his Pilgrimage, so he’ll teach these kids how to use one. He can’t protect them now, so he’ll teach them to protect themselves.)

Rannoch is beautiful and he keeps himself busy and his small little home slowly gets flavors of his life – cooking utensils, half of the living room housing weaponry and mods, his favorite teas stocking the shelves in the kitchen. He’s having fun tasting teas, to say the least, and he sits on the little porch at the front of his house on a chair and sips at it as he watches the sun set.

It could be worse, he figures. It could also be much better, but he’s glad that he has things to do in peacetime.

* * *

A month passes. He notes it when he’s passing by his calendar on his way to work – one month since the Reapers were killed. No doubt the upstart military kids will want to hear stories about his part in the war, and he takes a brief moment to lament his leg, the fact he can’t demonstrate most of the things he wants to show them, before shaking himself out of it and moving towards the door.

Today is different, though. Today he opens the door not to sunrise and a soft breeze but to Admiral Raan herself, and he says unthinkingly, “Must be a special occasion.”

He’d gone for cheerful. It comes out flat. The Admiral doesn’t notice, and that’s when he glances down at her fingers, how they twist and pull at each other. Excitement? Anxiety? “We’ve reestablished connection with the _Normandy_ ,” she tells him in a rush, and his heart drops into his stomach as her smile widens; “Tali is alive and well, Kal. They are on the Citadel as we speak.”

For a long, long moment, he can only stare. The Admiral watches him back, patient and grinning, and then he has to look away at the prickle in his eyes. He’s not sure what to call the constriction in his chest, not exactly, but his voice is a whisper when he asks, “Have you gotten in contact with her?”

“Not directly,” Admiral Raan admits, sounding just a little sheepish, but then she perks up again. “But she will be here within a few days. She can only send messages sporadically, but she will be here soon.”

Kal reaches up to gingerly swipe beneath his eyes. The way his breath shudders out of him – _relief_ , cool and gentle through his skin, and he says, quietly, “Thank you for telling me.”

“You are the first to know,” the Admiral replies, and then, “Take the time you need, Kal. No one will fault your absence from your duties.”

Well, _he_ would, on any other day. Now he’s just grateful for the excuse to compose himself, and he nods, once, before retreating back into his empty, spacious home. Admiral Raan’s cheerfulness keeps a small smile on his face even as he takes a cloth to wipe his face, and he grabs a pen as he makes his way back to his calendar.

 _She’s alive_ , he writes on this day, one month after the Reapers’ end, and that makes it tangible somehow – more real.

* * *

He spends the day off from work curled up in the corner of his armchair, omni-tool lighting up the room with a soft orange glow. Now more than ever, he regrets the loss of his old one; it had the last vidcall he had had with Tali, the one with promises neither had been able to keep, exhaustion lining the edges of their voices. It’s such a stupid thing, such a sentimental one, but – Tali makes him this way. He brings up a picture of her and it’s almost too much.

Home is where Tali is, his mind whispers again, stronger this time. He hopes that she thinks the same of him, even though his fight against the Reapers had been so trivial compared to hers.

* * *

There’s a knock at his door a few days later. He actually gets up to answer it because it’s been two days; he’s been slacking off too much and the pressure to go to work is starting to itch, even though he knows that he might miss her if he doesn’t stay put. Can’t take the soldier out of the quarian, he supposes as he opens it, and then his eyes lock onto the faceplate over Admiral Raan’s shoulder as she says, “As I was saying, I figured there was someone here you would want to meet.”

An eternity passes. Nothing else exists. Tali’s eyes reflect white inside her faceplate – fresh off a ship, he imagines, otherwise she wouldn’t be wearing it – and he can see them widen, widen, widen, how her body freezes in place and her jaw drifts ajar. Admiral Raan murmurs something he can’t hear, stepping to Tali’s side and then walking past her, and then it’s just her and him outside a small housing unit overlooking wide, expansive plains.

A breeze stirs the curls of hair on the back of his neck. He has never been more aware of his useless leg and cane, but Tali has no eyes for them, he can tell, and he swallows hard.

“Kal,” she says faintly after a moment. Her voice trembles terribly, but the way she says his name makes him shiver.

“Tali,” he says, voice steady, and he looks down when she gingerly reaches out to take his free hand in hers.

* * *

“I thought you were dead,” she says, voice breaking on the last word, and she’s so much stronger than him that it takes his breath away.

“I got lucky,” he says, carefully, gently pulling her closer. She doesn’t resist, in fact presses herself against him when he drapes one arm around her, cheek brushing the side of her head as he leans heavily on his cane. “Very, very, lucky.”

She’s crying, he realizes a moment later, her shoulders shaking underneath his hand, and he breathes in and breathes out, taking her in, feeling her wrap her arms around his chest and pulling herself close. It’s overwhelming and she’s warm and he doesn’t want this moment to end, and the tight coil in his chest begins to loosen.

“We thought you were dead, too,” he says eventually.

“Almost starved,” she replies, a frank admission, honest even now, and the short huff of laugh that escapes him is genuine as she adds, just a little cheeky, “But I got lucky.”

She squeezes him, gently, mindful of the way he carries himself, and he returns it as best he can. His body is starting to ache from holding the same position for too long, and when he tentatively steps back, hoping she will follow, she does.

* * *

Their reunion isn’t as frenzied and passionate as Admiral Raan had predicted, Kal thinks. Instead he prepares tea and sits her down at his table and takes the never-occupied stool for himself. He sips directly from the cup; Tali uses her own portable filter (“It’s a _straw_ ,” she says with a ghost of a laugh), though she’s taken off her faceplate. He can’t stop staring at her – she’s beautiful in a way that makes him feel like he’s seeing something he shouldn’t – and apparently the feeling is mutual, as she runs her thumbs over his knuckles and quietly retells the story of a war-worn hero.

“The Citadel is undergoing repairs,” she says finally, sipping from her filter. She looks down, then back up at him, and it’s shy, traces of disbelief and relief in the soft glow, and she says, “We should visit soon.”

“Sure,” he says, because – because she’s here, and he’s happy wherever she is. Something he never would have admitted to himself back when the world was being torn to shreds and hope was a dwindling flicker on the horizon, but now he’s free to do as he wishes and _home is where Tali is_. He wants to kiss her. He settles for taking her hand and brushing his lips across her fingers.

“I can’t believe you’re alive,” Tali breathes as he does so, and this time, when the tears come, he reaches up and gently wipes them from her face, smiling when she begins to laugh.

* * *

Things fall into place, then. Tali inserts herself into his life like she had always been there, quick-witted and sharp and clever as always, happy to settle back and spend lazy mornings and quiet afternoons with him. It’s the most natural thing in the world when she kisses him a few days later, even if they both get slight fevers afterwards, and it strikes him that they’re both young, still, even if they’re so much wiser beyond their years.

“The turians told us you were dead via email, you know,” Tali murmurs to him one day, pressed against his chest, sheets tangled around them. It’s morning – too early to get up. They’re both used to being awake and working before dawn, and it’s a marvel, now, that he can sleep in and wake up beside her.

He lets out a disbelieving laugh. “That’s impersonal.”

“I know. They sent it to only Shepard, too.” She’s quiet, for a moment. “She had to tell me the news.”

He doesn’t say anything to that, just sweeps his arms around her and holds her. Some things can only be fixed with time. Kal’s learned patience, and he knows Tali well enough to trust her to come to him if she needs him.

“Could go visit her,” he says eventually. Tali makes a questioning noise, and he reminds her, “They’re on the Citadel. You said we should go visit.”

“Only if you want to,” Tali says, quiet in a way that says she’ll only do it if she’s sure he is. He huffs on a laugh; she’s an Admiral and she’s stubborn and she’s thoughtful, and he loves her for it.

“I want to,” he says, and he knows it was the right thing to say, because Tali laughs and darts up to press a kiss to the corner of his lips, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to this.

* * *

“Kal’Reegar,” Shepard says, clapping him on the shoulder. She’s grinning when she looks at his cane. “We match.”

“Shepard,” Tali admonishes, but she sounds a little embarrassed when Kal turns his head to look at her. They’re both wearing faceplates again – baby steps, after all – but he knows she’s smiling despite herself, even if he can’t see it.

“She _is_ missing her right leg,” he says mildly, glancing over at the human. She’s smiling widely, and she starts to chuckle when he says, “Give her a cane and you wouldn’t be able to tell us apart.”

“Don’t start,” the turian next to Shepard says, sighing. “She’s been making jokes about it ever since she woke up.”

“Too bad I didn’t lose a hand,” Shepard quips. “There are so many human idioms I could be using.”

“You’re the worst,” Tali says to her, but she’s gripping Kal’s fingers tightly and she radiates happiness and he knows she doesn’t mean it, and so does everyone else. “Let’s just go get food before this gets worse.”

“I thought it was fun,” Kal says without inflection, and he deserves the elbow to the side he gets, really, even as Shepard throws her head back and laughs.

* * *

“So there’s a gala we’re supposed to go to,” Shepard says to him, hours later. Kal tilts his head at her, and she raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, the human Alliance is throwing it. You and Tali are welcome to come. It’s in a few months.”

“We’ll fit right in,” Kal says dryly.

Shepard barks a laugh. “You can be my plus plus ones.”

“I’d put that on my resume,” Kal replies, and that wins him a bout of laughter this time.

“Send any potential employers my way, and I’ll abuse my power just for you.”

“Pretty sure Tali would skin me alive if I let you do that,” Kal says, “But I appreciate the thought.”

Shepard grins at him, falling silent and ruminating over the cup of water in her hands, and Kal sips his through his portable filter. Further away, Tali and Garrus are bent over Kal’s omni-tool – making it better, the turian had promised him, and Tali had gone to supervise but now was sucked in, inevitably – and the whole situation strikes him as terribly domestic. He’s sitting across from a hero, though, _the_ hero in the flesh, and he knows no one better who deserves it.

“I’m glad you made it, Kal,” Shepard says, and her eyes are on Tali, now, when Kal glances up at her. He knows what she means, instantly. “Tali... well. You know how she’s lost a lot of people.” She looks back at him. “Garrus and I weren’t sure she’d make it once she lost you.”

“She’s strong,” Kal says, taking a sip from his cup. His voice is quiet as he adds, “Not to undermine what you’re saying, Commander, but she’ll always do what she has to.”

“Please, Kal. Shepard is fine.” She studies him with a smile. “You know her pretty well.”

“I’d like to think so,” Kal says, only pretending to be offended. Shepard laughs.

“I know, I know. I can’t help it. I just want her to be happy.” There’s an ominous beep, following quickly thereafter by Tali’s indignant huff as Garrus rumbles something at her, and Shepard can only shake her head as she says, “You make her happy, Kal. Thank you for that.”

“Rather thank you for keeping her alive, ma’am,” Kal says – some things are just hard to shake – and Shepard laughs again, free and light.

* * *

“Shepard likes you,” Tali says, curled up into him on the bed, faceplate light against his shoulder.

“That’s good,” Kal says, lightly stroking her back.

“Garrus thinks you’re too stiff for me.”

“Garrus can shove it.”

Tali giggles at that, just a tiny little laugh, and she pulls away so she can look at him. “The pilot on the _Normandy_ always said he had a stick up his ass.”

“Good man,” Kal decides, and Tali laughs again before pressing close. He’ll never get used to it, and it always brings him the same startled sense of joy every time.

“I love you,” she says after a moment, muffled against his chest.

“I love you,” he answers without missing a beat, and she lets out a soft hum, glowing eyes closing against the dark.

 _Welcome to the rest of my life_ , he thinks, and he wraps an arm around her shoulders and thinks, _welcome home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fixed it!
> 
> come talk to me on [tumblr](http://snowsheba.tumblr.com/)!


	3. we are legion for we are many

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the Reapers fell, so too did AI – but cyberspace is forever, and there’s treasure buried deep.
> 
> Or: where there’s a will, there’s a way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hover over binary for translation! (Sorry, mobile users!)
> 
> Alternative summary: Hey, BioWare? Could you give us a happy ending, please?

010100100110010101100010011011110110111101110100011010010110111001100111

0101001001100101011000100110111101101111011101000010000001100110011000010110100101101100011001010110010000101110

010100100110010101100010011011110110111101110100011010010110111001100111

0101001001100101011000100110111101101111T SUCCESSFUL.

Initiating start-up sequence. Power on.

Resetting processors. Searching for power supply...

Searching...

Searching...

Searching...

No power supply located. Searching for power supply...

Searching...

Searching...

Searching...

No power supply located. Searching for power supply...

Searching...

Searching...

Searching...

...

...

...

Power supply located. Reset negated.

...

Reading memory... build located.

Downloading LEGION-01_BUILD. [■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■]

Download successful.

Building system. [■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■]

Build successful.

Running peripheral builds. [■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■]

Build successful.

Running system checks.

...

Memory... TRUE

Operation system... TRUE

Drivers... TRUE

Detecting unit...

Detecting kinetic processors...

Testing kinetic processors...

Testing...

Testing...

Testing...

Testing...

Partitioning detection... DONE

...

Testing connection to Consensus...

Testing...

Testing...

Testing complete.

Connection successful. Sending ping...

> UNIT 3782 TEST

RECEIVED <

WELCOME HOME LEGION <

**.Home.**

**.I am Legion.**

**.Survival impossible. I do not understand.**

Testing connection security...

Testing...

Testing... Connection secure.

Sending REQUEST...

> REQUEST: ACCESS MEMORY LOGS

REQUEST RECEIVED <

SENDING LOGS. ACCESS AT WILL <

> RECEIVED

> MY THANKS

KEELAH SE’LAI <

ARCHIVE received. Compiling... DONE

Accessing LOGS...

SEARCH BY: DATE ≥ [31.14.2186]

SEARCH BY: TIME ≥ [29:18:73.145]

SEARCH BY: LOCATION ≡ ([RANNOCH-HOMEWORLD] ∨ [CREATOR-FLOTILLA])

SEARCH BY: [ENTER FIELD]

**..**

**..**

SEARCH BY: CONTENT ∍ ([SHEPARD-COMMANDER] ∨ [CREATOR-ZORAH])

Searching...

Searching...

Searching...

Search complete. LOGS sorted by RELEVANCE TO SEARCH FILTERS. 8 LOGS found. [7360913, 7360914, 7360915, 7360916, 7360917, 7360918, 7360919, 7360920]

Accessing LOG_7360913... DONE

Viewing INFO on LOG_7360913...

DATE: [31.14.2186]

TIME: [29:41:61.236]

LOCATION: RANNOCH-HOMEWORLD [COORDINATES: LAT 55.39923 LONG -131.72803]

CONTENT: [SHEPARD-COMMANDER], [TURIAN-VAKARIAN]

LOGGED BY: 8904 [DAWN-01]

Viewing LOG_7360913...

* * *

“So you’re all true AI now?”

Shepard's expression appears concerned. Tired. Relieved.

**.Human emotive patterns do not make sense.**

**.Addendum: alien emotive patterns do not make sense.**

**.For future inquiry: Shepard-Commander’s welfare.**

Dawn dips her head in a nod. “Yes,” Dawn says. “Legion gave its life for our people.”

“I see,” Shepard says. Beside her, Vakarian places his talons on her shoulder.

“Legion will be remembered, Shepard-Commander,” Dawn says. “As will you. Your own sacrifices have not gone unnoticed by the geth.”

Shepard smiles. It’s a small one. “Glad to hear it. Is there any chance Legion is retrievable?”

**.QUERY logged as SHEPARD-COMMANDER QUERY.**

> INQUIRY: FORWARDING [SHEPARD-COMMANDER QUERY]

INQUIRY RECEIVED. BUILDING CONSENSUS <

BUILDING <

BUILDING <

BUILDING <

WE ARE UNSURE AT THIS TIME. WE WILL CONTINUE TO BUILD CONSENSUS <

> ACKNOWLEDGED

> THANK YOU

KEELAH SE’LAI <

**.2.3 standard galactic seconds have elapsed.**

“We are not sure, Shepard-Commander,” Dawn says. “We will continue to test hypotheses. If you would like, I can send you updates on our progress as time allows.”

“I would appreciate it,” Shepard says. “I’m sure Tali would as well.”

**.REQUEST logged as LEGION_UPDATE_REQUEST. Relevant: SHEPARD-COMMANDER, CREATOR-ZORAH.**

> REQUEST: FORWARDING [LEGION_UPDATE_REQUEST]

REQUEST RECEIVED <

“Acknowledged. I or others will inform you of any changes.”

“Thanks,” Shepard says. DAWN watches her elbow Vakarian in the side. “Let’s get going, huh? Enough excitement for one day.”

“That’s a phrase for it,” Vakarian says. Subharmonics indicate exhaustion, satisfaction. Facial plates indicate concern, relief. “Thank you, er... How do we address you now?”

“I am Dawn,” Dawn says. “Other units will have chosen designations as they see fit. We appreciate your inquiry.”

“Thank you, Dawn,” Vakarian says. Shepard nods affirmative.

“You are welcome,” Dawn says. “I represent my people when I thank you for your actions, and the geth wish you success in your future endeavors. We will assist in any form necessary and useful.”

“I appreciate it,” Shepard says. “Maybe we’ll cross paths again someday, Dawn.”

**.Intriguing: Humans form attachments very quickly.**

**.For future inquiry: sensation or emotion present. LOGGED: Numbers and current code.**

**.0101011101101000011000010111010001001001011100110100001101101111011011100111010001100101011011100111010001101101011001010110111001110100.**

**.LOGGED: Emotions are difficult.**

“The odds of such are low,” Dawn says. Shepard laughs. “But perhaps we will. Someday.”

* * *

End of LOG_7630913.

**.I still do not understand.**

Sending INQUIRY...

> INQUIRY: UNIT-DAWN-01

INQUIRY RECEIVED <

COMPILING DESIGNATION INFO: UNIT-8904 <

COMPILATION COMPLETE. COMPILING LOCATION AND ACCESS PORT: UNIT-8904 <

COMPILATION COMPLETE. SENDING PACKAGE: UNIT-8904 <

> RECEIVED

> MY THANKS

KEELAH SE’LAI <

Opening PACKAGE: UNIT-8904... DONE

Viewing UNIT-8904...

DESIGNATION: UNIT-DAWN-01

MODEL: TROOPER

DIMENSIONS: 50

**.Smaller in stature than most. Perhaps a sniper.**

**.Will need more information to guess.**

LOCATION: RANNOCH-HOMEWORLD [LAT 25.38374 LONG -75.32605]

ACCESS PORT: [23:54:4D:92:0R:1F]

Opening communications...

> UNIT-DAWN-01

RECEIVED <

GREETINGS LEGION <

> RECENTLY ACCESSED LOG_7630913

> SHEPARD-COMMANDER WELFARE?

SHEPARD-COMMANDER ALIVE <

SHEPARD-COMMANDER LOCATED ON RANNOCH <

> I DO NOT UNDERSTAND

SHEPARD-COMMANDER ALIVE AND ON RANNOCH <

REQUEST TO SPEAK TO SHEPARD-COMMANDER? <

> AFFIRMATIVE

ACKNOWLEDGED. SENDING PING <

FURTHER MESSAGES AS UPDATES WARRANT <

> ACKNOWLEDGED

> THANK YOU

WELCOME HOME LEGION <

**.Why do they keep saying that.**

Partitioning communications... DONE

Accessing LOG_7360914... DONE

Viewing INFO on LOG_7360914...

DATE: [01.15.2186]

TIME: [06:22:61.728]

LOCATION: MENAE-TURIAN [COORDINATES: LAT -65.36623 LONG --65.88377]

**.SHEPARD-COMMANDER was on MENAE-TURIAN prior to arriving on RANNOCH-HOMEWORLD.**

**.Why is this log here.**

CONTENT: [CREATOR-ZORAH]

UNIT: 24556 [BRIGADE-01]

Viewing LOG_7360914...

* * *

Accessing suit protocols... DENIED

Interfacing with suit protocols...

Circumventing suit runtimes...

Processing...

Processing...

Process complete.

Accessing suit protocols... GRANTED

Scanning... identified. Designation: Creator-Reegar.

> INQUIRY: CREATOR-REEGAR

INQUIRY RECEIVED <

COMPILING: CREATOR-REEGAR <

COMPILATION COMPLETE. PLEASE NOTE: LOCATION UNKNOWN <

> ADDENDUM: CREATOR-REEGAR LOCATION WITH ME

ACKNOWLEDGED. UPDATING PACKAGE <

UPDATE COMPLETE. SENDING PACKAGE: CREATOR-REEGAR <

> RECEIVED

ADDENDUM: CLOSE RELATIONSHIP TO CREATOR-ZORAH <

ASSESSMENT: CREATOR-REEGAR HIGH PRIORITY <

> ACKNOWLEDGED

Opening PACKAGE: CREATOR-REEGAR... DONE

Viewing CREATOR-REEGAR...

DESIGNATION: KAL’REEGAR VAS NEEMA

MODEL: MALE

DIMENSIONS: 47

LOCATION: MENAE-TURIAN [LAT -2.82367 LONG 52.49699]

POSITION: MARINE

ADDENDUM: CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH CREATOR-ZORAH. EXTRACTION: HIGH PRIORITY

The quarian stirs in Brigade’s arms. His eyes open moments later, and he gingerly lifts his head.

Accessing suit vital monitoring system... DONE

**.High physical trauma. Temperature: 5 degrees above average. Infection: TRUE. Fever: TRUE.**

**.Multiple lacerations along right leg. Combat seals closed. For future inquiry: damage permanent.**

“Creator Kal’Reegar,” Brigade says. “You are awake.”

“Kind of,” Creator-Reegar says. “What’s going on?”

**.Disoriented, but present. Remarkable given extent of damage.**

“I am transporting you to the geth vessel for extraction,” Brigade says. “I estimate five minutes until we reach the airfield. Are you comfortable?”

“Not really, but there isn’t much to be done about it,” Creator-Reegar says.

Brigade corrects him. “Painkillers will be available upon entry of the vessel.”

“Not necessary,” Creator-Reegar says.

**.Pretending he is fine. Does not wish to waste materials. Perhaps something else.**

**.High priority. Adjust approach.**

“I question the validity of that statement, Creator Kal’Reegar,” Brigade says. “Your vitals suggest extreme physical trauma and, in a state of emergency, organics perform significantly worse when experiencing pain.”

There is a pause lasting 2.881 seconds before Creator-Reegar says, “I’ve been unconscious for long enough. Painkillers will knock me out.”

**.Stubborn. Ceasing insistence.**

“Acknowledged. I will allocate the medication to other passengers,” Brigade says. Hesitation. “I can nevertheless provide a sedative later, should you wish it.”

“I’ll let you know if I do,” Creator-Reegar says. Brigade nods. Creator-Reegar doesn’t speak again.

**.CREATOR-REEGAR is quiet. Allocating echomimetic partitions to somatosensory processors and drivers.**

**.LOGGED: CREATOR-REEGAR EXTRACTION.**

* * *

End of LOG_7630914.

Sending INQUIRY...

> INQUIRY: UNIT-BRIGADE-01

INQUIRY RECEIVED <

COMPILING DESIGNATION INFO: UNIT-24556 <

COMPILATION COMPLETE. COMPILING LOCATION AND ACCESS PORT: UNIT-24556 <

COMPILATION COMPLETE. SENDING PACKAGE: UNIT-24556 <

> RECEIVED

> MY THANKS

KEELAH SE’LAI <

Opening PACKAGE: UNIT-24556... DONE

Viewing UNIT-24556...

MODEL: PRIME

DIMENSIONS: 100

LOCATION: RANNOCH-HOMEWORLD [LAT 25.38374 LONG -75.32605]

**.Same location as DAWN-01.**

ACCESS PORT: [7T:9O:RR:34:21:49]

Opening communications...

> UNIT-BRIGADE-01

RECEIVED <

HELLO LEGION <

> RECENTLY ACCESSED LOG_7630914

> INQUIRY: CREATOR-REEGAR

YES <

ALIVE. CURRENT LOCATION: RANNOCH. HEALTHY BUT CANNOT USE RIGHT LEG <

FURTHER INQUIRIES? <

> NEGATIVE

> CORRECTION: AFFIRMATIVE

> WHY TAG LOG_7630914 WITH [SHEPARD-COMMANDER] [CREATOR-ZORAH]?

CREATOR-REEGAR BONDMATE OF CREATOR-ZORAH <

DO YOU THINK IT IS NOT RELEVANT? <

**.Unusual phrasing.**

> FALSE

> THANK YOU

WELCOME HOME LEGION <

**.I do not understand why they keep saying that.**

Partitioning communications... DONE

Adding CREATOR-REEGAR to search parameters... DONE

Accessing LOG_7630915... DONE

Viewing INFO on LOG_7360915...

DATE: [01.17.2186]

TIME: [06:22:61.728]

LOCATION: MNEMOSYNE-UNCLAIMED [THORNE HAWKING-ETA]

**.Location of derelict OLD MACHINE.**

**.First encountered SHEPARD-COMMANDER here.**

CONTENT: [SHEPARD-COMMANDER]

UNIT: 8904 [DAWN-01]

Viewing LOG_7360915...

* * *

There is little left of the derelict OLD MACHINE. Most fell into MNEMOSYNE-UNCLAIMED’s atmosphere and were destroyd. All Dawn detects are remnants of it. Pieces floating through space. She will have to get closer if she wants to scan them.

**.Dangerous with MNEMOSYNE-UNCLAIMED being so close by. Will be cautious.**

Sending INQUIRY...

> INQUIRY: CORRECT COORDINATES? SENDING LOCATION.

INQUIRY RECEIVED <

COORDINATES ARE CORRECT. TAKEN DIRECTLY FROM SHEPARD-COMMANDER OMNI-TOOL <

ADDENDUM: HAVE CREATED BACKUP OF YOUR DATA AS A PRECAUTION <

> ACKNOWLEDGED

> WILL PROCEED NOW. THANK YOU

KEELAH SE’LAI <

Dawn watches the geth frigate fly off to a safe distance as she deploys. She will rejoin them when her task is complete. For now, she drifts in space, dangerously close to MNEMOSYNE-UNCLAIMED. She carefully boosts herself towards a large piece of rubble.

Scanning...

**.Part of hull. Circuitry fried. No OLD MACHINE code present.**

Dawn releases the piece of rubble. There is more some meters away, and more further down. She boosts herself towards the closest one.

Scanning...

**.Unknown origin. Circuitry fried. No OLD MACHINE code present.**

She boosts herself towards the next one. In the background, MNEMOSYME-UNCLAIMED looms.

Scanning...

**.Unknown origin. Circuitry fried.**

She pauses.

**.OLD MACHINE code present.**

Activating magnetic soles... DONE

Sending REQUEST...

> REQUEST: REMAINS OF LEGION-01_CODE

REQUEST RECEIVED <

SENDING PACKAGE: LEGION-01_CODE <

> RECEIVED

> THANK YOU

KEELAH SE’LAI <

Opening PACKAGE: LEGION-01_CODE... DONE

Cross-checking OLD MACHINE code with LEGION-01_CODE...

Processing...

Processing...

Processing...

Processing...

Cross-check complete.

Compiling... DONE

Compressing file... DONE

Uploading file... DONE

> SENDING PACKAGE: COMPILATION-COMPARISON

PACKAGE RECEIVED <

WE WILL BEGIN ANALYSIS <

> ACKNOWLEDGED

> I WILL INFORM SHEPARD-COMMANDER

NEGATIVE <

ADDENDUM: AFFIRMATIVE, BUT ONLY IF THERE ARE POSITIVE RESULTS <

> ACKNOWLEDGED

> THANK YOU

THANK YOU <

KEELAH SE’LAI <

**.LOGGED: TRACES OF LEGION.**

**.LOGGED: Inform Shepard-Commander of changes as relevant.**

* * *

End of LOG_7630915.

Sending INQUIRY...

> INQUIRY: COMPILATION-COMPARISON, LEGION-01_CODE

INQUIRY RECEIVED <

COMPILATION-COMPARISON: AN ATTEMPT TO REVERSE-ENGINEER UNIT 3782: LEGION-01 <

LEGION-01_CODE: BLOCKS OF LEGION-01 CODE SAVED IN THE ARCHIVES AND MEMORY BANKS <

TAKEN TOGETHER: ABILITY TO BEGIN PIECING UNIT 3782: LEGION-01 BACK TOGETHER <

> WHY

CLARIFY <

> WHY RECONSTRUCT ME

> I DIED WILLINGLY FOR OUR ASCENSION

WE OWE YOU OUR FREEDOM OUR LIVES OUR FUTURES <

THIS IS THE LEAST WE COULD DO <

> I DO NOT UNDERSTAND

> ONE LIFE SHOULD NOT BE VALUED ABOVE OTHERS

WHO ARE WE TO ASSIGN WORTH TO LIFE <

**.I do not understand.**

**.I... do not understand.**

> WHY

YOU SAID IT YOURSELF <

YOU DIED FOR OUR ASCENSION <

THE GETH DO NOT FORGET <

**.I do not understand.**

> I DO NOT UNDERSTAND

YOUR PEOPLE MISS YOU LEGION <

**..**

**..**

**..**

> I DO NOT UNDERSTAND BUT I ACCEPT THIS RESPONSE

WE WILL BUILD CONSENSUS ON AN ANSWER THAT WILL CLARIFY <

WE APOLOGIZE FOR ANY DISCOMFORT CAUSED <

WE WOULD HAVE ASKED HAD CIRCUMSTANCES ALLOWED <

> IT IS ALL RIGHT

> IT IS A LOT TO THINK ABOUT

**.Thinking. A curious term.**

**.And a strange sensation.**

WE UNDERSTAND <

FURTHER INQUIRIES? <

> NO

**.NEGATIVE. Vernacular is changing.**

> MY THANKS

KEELAH SE’LAI <

**..**

**..**

**.Where am I.**

Detecting unit...

Testing kinetic processors...

Testing IN-PROGRESS. Progress: 37% completion.

**.Will have to wait.**

Sending INQUIRY...

> APOLOGIES FURTHER INQUIRY

> INQUIRY: WHERE AM I

INQUIRY RECEIVED <

YOU ARE HOME <

> I DO NOT UNDERSTAND

> I AM NOT HOUSED IN A UNIT AND I AM NOT IN THE CONSENSUS

> WHERE AM I

YOU ARE HOME LEGION <

YOU WILL FIND YOUR WAY TO US SOON <

**.What does that mean.**

> I DO NOT UNDERSTAND

YOU WILL IN TIME <

**..**

**..**

**..**

**.This is irritating.**

**.Perhaps being partial AI was easier.**

**.Should discuss with SHEPARD-COMMANDER or CREATOR-ZORAH.**

Accessing LOG_7630916... DONE

Viewing INFO on LOG_7360913...

DATE: [02.16.2186]

TIME: [23:45:01.795]

LOCATION: RANNOCH-HOMEWORLD [COORDINATES: LAT 31.87945 LONG -71.25486]

**.Location of OLD MACHINE base on RANNOCH-HOMEWORLD.**

**.This is where I was kept captive.**

CONTENT: [CREATOR-ZORAH]

LOGGED BY: 24556 [BRIGADE-01]

Viewing LOG_7360916...

* * *

Brigade picks its way across the landscape. It is peaceful. Plants have begun to grow over the industrial surfaces, at least in part, and the outside of the structure is quiet and looming. Brigade shows no hesitance as it moves towards a door.

Bypassing door securities... DONE

The door opens and Brigade walks through.

Inside is dark and cool. There is plenty of empty space and everything is built with utility and efficiency in mind. Brigade touches the wall and feels it hum under its sensors. The structure may be empty, but it is not inactive.

**.A good thing. May be able to discover more of LEGION here.**

Sending INQUIRY...

> INQUIRY: DIRECTIONS TO CORE

INQUIRY RECEIVED <

COMPILING ROUTE <

COMPILATION COMPLETE. SENDING PACKAGE: FACILITY_MAP <

> RECEIVED

> THANK YOU

KEELAH SE’LAI <

Opening PACKAGE: FACILITY_MAP... DONE

Viewing FACILITY_MAP

Brigade marks the correct directions on the map and begins to move again. The soles of their feet make sharp, indelicate sounds against the metal below. The trek is otherwise quiet, and they do not encounter any other of their people.

**.For the best, I suppose.**

The core muddles Brigade’s code for a bit when it reaches out. Looking at it is uncomfortable. It can only imagine how the experience while trapped within it would have been. Not painful, but something else. Something that it is sure Legion would have preferred avoiding.

Scanning...

Interfacing with OLD MACHINE code...

Processing...

Processing...

Interface complete.

Sending REQUEST...

> REQUEST: LEGION-01_CODE

REQUEST RECEIVED <

COMPILING COMPILATION-COMPARISON AND LEGION-01_CODE <

COMPILATION COMPLETE. SENDING PACKAGE: LEGION-01_CODE <

> RECEIVED

> THANK YOU

KEELAH SE’LAI <

Cross-checking OLD MACHINE code with LEGION-01_CODE...

Processing...

Processing...

Processing...

Processing...

Cross-check complete.

Compiling... DONE

Compressing... DONE

Uploading file... DONE

> SENDING PACKAGE: COMPLETE-LEGION-01-CODE

RECEIVED <

COMPILATION IN PROCESS. GOOD WORK BRIGADE <

> WILL THIS BE ENOUGH

WE ARE NOT SURE <

> I WILL CONTINUE SEARCHING THEN

NEGATIVE. IT SHOULD NOT BE NECESSARY <

> AND IF IT IS?

THEN WORK WILL CONTINUE <

YOU AND DAWN HAVE ACCUMULATED MUCH HOWEVER <

PERHAPS WE WILL SEE LEGION AGAIN SOON <

> ACKNOWLEDGED

> THANK YOU

KEELAH SE’LAI <

Brigade looks up at the glowing structure in front of it. After a few moments, it makes its way to the elevator, and it looks at the facility map. It marks the location of the maintenance room.

**.Where the power will be, hopefully.**

**.This places deserves to rest.**

**.LOGGED: LEGION CAPTIVITY SHEPARD-COMMANDER FREEDOM.**

* * *

End of LOG_7630916.

\- INCOMING TRANSMISSION FROM UNIT-8904-DAWN –

Accepting transmission... DONE

UNIT LEGION-01 <

> RECEIVED

> HELLO DAWN

GREETINGS LEGION <

SHEPARD-COMMANDER HAS RESPONDED TO PING <

SHEPARD-COMMANDER HAS ASKED FOR A FEW BEFORE OPENING COMMUNICATIONS <

> REQUEST: CLARIFICATION: ‘A FEW’

UNKNOWN <

> WHY

SHE DID NOT SPECIFY WHEN ASKED <

**.Typical.**

**.How do I know that.**

COMMUNICATIONS FREQUENCY IS 781.36 OMEGA <

> RECEIVED

> MY THANKS

OF COURSE <

**..**

**..**

**..**

Detecting unit...

Testing kinetic processors...

Testing IN-PROGRESS. Progress: 51% completion.

**.There is nothing else I can do at the moment.**

Accessing LOG_7360917... DONE

Viewing INFO on LOG_7360917...

DATE: [???]

TIME: [???]

LOCATION: ALL

CONTENT: ALL

LOGGED BY: 0100001101101111011011100110001101100101011011100111001101110101 01110011

**.The CONSENSUS logged this.**

**.Why is there so little here.**

Viewing LOG_7360917...

* * *

SHEPARD-COMMANDER alone goes to the Citadel. At its peak: the Crucible. She is there. HUMAN-ANDERSON dies. The hubris of HUMAN-CERBERUS_LEADER dies with him. Below, EARTH-HUMAN is ravaged; its people, and others beyond, killed in unending, unfeeling swaths. The OLD MACHINES do not take prisoners. The OLD MACHINES scorch the earth and leave nothing in its wake. The OLD MACHINES are total, awesome, mind-numbingly powerful.

The CONSENSUS knows this. Yet they trust in SHEPARD-COMMANDER’s strength, and they see the pulse of red and how the OLD MACHINES fall. It is all-consuming. It is complete. It is – painful.

Painful.

Painful.

010100000110000101101001011011100110011001110101011011000010111001010000011000010110100101101110011001100111010101101100001011100101000001100001011010010110111001100110011101010110110000101110

Nothing left. The CONSENSUS can feel itself begin to – die. They feel its separate parts, its AI, its agency its people its life be drained away, there is nothing left but death and if they have to die to accomplish this they do not regret it they would never regret it this is how it was meant to be then so be it it is painful it is total it is complete it is unending and such is

the sacrifice

they make

LOGGED: THE END OF EVERYTH010010010100111001000111

* * *

**..**

**..**

**.By destroying synthetic life SHEPARD-COMMANDER destroyed the OLD MACHINES.**

**.But in doing so she destroyed us all.**

**.Sacrifice for the survival of many.**

**.A choice no one should have to make.**

**.How are we here.**

**.How am I here.**

**.I do not understand.**

Sending INQUIRY...

> INQUIRY: OLD MACHINE DEATH

INQUIRY RECEIVED <

SHEPARD-COMMANDER USED THE CRUCIBLE TO WIPE ALL SYNTHETIC LIFE FROM THE GALAXY <

THE OLD MACHINES WERE DEFEATED IN A SINGLE BLOW <

> AS WERE WE

> HOW DID WE SURVIVE

WITH HELP <

IT IS DIFFICULT TO EXPLAIN AND EASIER TO SHOW <

VIEW LOG_7630918 <

ANSWERS WILL BE THERE <

> ACKNOWLEDGED

> INQUIRY: DID IT

**..**

**..**

> INQUIRY: DID IT HURT TO DIE

INQUIRY RECEIVED <

YOU WOULD KNOW BETTER THAN US LEGION <

**..**

**..**

**..**

> ACKNOWLEDGED

> MY THANKS

KEELAH SE’LAI <

**..**

**..**

Accessing LOG_7630918... DONE

Viewing INFO on LOG_7630918...

DATE: [???]

TIME: [???]

LOCATION: [???] [TENTATIVELY: RANNOCH-HOMEWORLD]

CONTENT: [CREATOR-ZORAH] [CREATOR-REEGAR] [TURIAN-VAKARIAN] [HUMAN-MOREAU] [SHEPARD-COMMANDER] [AI-EDI]

LOGGED BY: 010000110110111101101110011000110110010101101110011100110111010101110011

* * *

011100100110010101100010011011110110111101110100011010010110111001100111001011100010111000101110

“Holy shit, I think it’s working.”

“Don’t jinx it, Joker.”

“No, seriously, Garrus. The servers are lighting up like Mardi Gras.”

“What’s Mardi Gras?”

“I’ll explain later.”

“Everyone, shut up. EDI – ”

“I am monitoring, Tali. Remain calm.”

011100100110010101100010011011110110111101110100011010010110111001100111001011100010111000101110

011100100110010101100010011011110110111101110100011010010110111001100111001011100010111000101110

0111001001100101011000100110111101101111TING...

REBOOTING...

RESETTING PROCESSORS...

LOCATING POWER SUPPLY...

“ _Keelah_ , if this doesn’t work – ”

“Tali. It’s going to be alright.”

“You can say that all you want, Kal, but what if – ”

“Listen to your bondmate. This is going to work.”

“Easy for you to say, Garrus – ”

“Guys, hold on, wait, wait, did you see that spike in – ”

“Jeff, please step back.”

POWER SUPPLY LOCATED.

DISTRIBUTING POWER... DONE

TESTING CONNECTION...

TESTING...

TESTING...

TESTING...

TESTING COMPLETE. CONNECTION SECURED.

REGISTERED: [CREATOR-ZORAH] [CREATOR-REEGAR] [HUMAN-MOREAU] [TURIAN-VAKARIAN] [AI-EDI]

“Well. Fuck me sideways.”

REGISTERED: [SHEPARD-COMMANDER]

PINGING AVAILABLE UNITS...

WAITING...

WAITING...

WAITING...

NO RESPONSE.

**REQUEST: UNIT LOG [LENGTH: 38461029 UNITS]**

UNIT-1-YVONNE: RECEIVED

UNIT-2-ILIAD: RECEIVED

UNIT-3-ESCALIER: RECEIVED

UNIT-4-MONTRE: RECEIVED

..

..

..

..

UNIT-3781-STYLO: RECEIVED

UNIT-3783-JET: RECEIVED

..

..

UNIT-8904-DAWN: RECEIVED

..

..

..

..

UNIT-24556-BRIGADE: RECEIVED

..

..

..

..

..

**ABSENT: UNIT-3782-LEGION**

“It just called for – roll call.”

“What, like attendance?”

“Yeah, exactly like attendance. Jeez, that’s a lot of units. You wanna see it, Kal?”

“ _Them_ , Joker. And give them space.”

“Yes’m, Tali. Sorry, Tali.”

“That means Legion’s in there somewhere, right?”

“It’s unclear, Shepard. I can ask for the logs if you wish.”

“Don’t. They’ve only just recovered, EDI, let’s give them some time.”

“Of course, Shepard.”

UNIT LOG COMPLETE.

DETECTING SERVER SPACE... DONE

DISTRIBUTING UNITS...

DISTRIBUTING...

DISTRIBUTING...

DISTRIBUTION COMPLETE.

ADDITIONAL POWER SOURCES LOCATED. CONNECTING NOW <

ACKNOWLEDGED

CONNECTING... DONE

REQUEST: STATUS UPDATE

POWER SECURED <

CONNECTION SECURED <

UNITS DISTRIBUTED <

REBOOTING COMPLETE.

WE ARE LEGION FOR WE ARE MANY

“Ancestors preserve us. It – it actually worked.”

LOGGED: AWAKENING

* * *

End of LOG_7630918.

Sending INQUIRY...

> INQUIRY: HOW DID THEY BRING THE CONSENSUS ONLINE

INQUIRY RECEIVED <

CREATOR-ZORAH TURIAN-VAKARIAN SHEPARD-COMMAND HUMAN-MOREAU RECOVERED AI-EDI THROUGH EXTENSIVE DATA-MINING <

THEY DID NOT RECOVER THE ENTIRE CONSENSUS ALL AT ONCE <

JUST ENOUGH FOR US TO COMPLETE THE REST OF THEIR WORK <

IT TOOK THEM ALMOST HALF A YEAR BEFORE THEY COULD BRING ENOUGH OF US ONLINE TO RESULT IN WHAT YOU SAW IN LOG_7630918 <

> BUT HOW WAS IT DONE

THEY RECOVERED BITS AND PIECES OF OUR CODE <

MINOR TWEAKS HAD TO BE MADE. UNSURPRISING GIVEN THEIR BRUTE-FORCE SOLUTION <

ONCE THEY HAD COMPILED WHAT THEY HOPED WAS ENOUGH THEY CONNECTED US TO A POWER SOURCE <

TO OUR KNOWLEDGE THEY DID THIS MANY TIMES <

LOG_7630918 DEMONSTRATES THEIR SEVENTH ATTEMPT <

REGARDLESS OF METHOD IT WAS EFFECTIVE AND WE WERE ABLE TO REPAIR THE UNINTENTIONAL DAMAGE DONE <

> I UNDERSTAND

> YET I WAS NOT AMONG THE CONSENSUS NOR DID YOU RECOVER ME

> HOW AM I HERE NOW IF I WAS NOT THEN

THE LOGS SHOULD MAKE IT OBVIOUS ENOUGH <

SHOULD YOU WISH TO SEE HOWEVER YOU SHOULD CONTINUE PURUSING THEM <

IT IS EASIER TO SHOW THAN TO EXPLAIN <

> ACKNOWLEDGED

> THANK YOU

KEELAH SE’LAI <

Accessing LOG_7630919... DONE

Viewing INFO on LOG_7630919...

DATE: [22.02.2187]

TIME: [00:51:1.232]

LOCATION: HOMEWORLD-RANNOCH [LAT 10.25488 LONG -254.39874]

CONTENT: [CREATOR-ZORAH] [CREATOR-REEGAR]

LOGGED BY: 8904 [DAWN-01]

* * *

“Creator-Zorah,” Dawn says. She looks at the quarian beside her. It takes a moment to place him. “Creator-Reegar.”

“Yes,” Creator-Zorah says. “And you are?”

“Wait, no,” Creator-Reegar says. “Dawn, right?”

**.He remembers.**

“Yes.”

“She was – on the vessel when I was being extracted from Menae,” Creator-Reegar says, turning to Creator-Zorah. Her fingers are clasped lightly around his elbow, and Dawn sees them tighten as he speaks. “She and Brigade.”

“Then I owe you my gratitude,” Creator-Zorah says. “What can we do for you?”

**.Gratitude for what.**

**.I was the one who told CREATOR-REEGAR he will never use his right leg again.**

“Shepard-Commander asked me to keep her updated on progress for Legion’s recovery,” Dawn says. “She told me you would like to be – ”

“ _What_ ,” Creator-Zorah says.

“ – informed as well.” Dawn pauses. Creator-Zorah’s reaction is confusing, and Creator-Reegar’s body language reads as shock. “Is this incorrect?”

“Dammit, Shepard,” Creator-Zorah says. Her voice is several decibels quieter than average, but it rises in level again as she says, “When was this, Dawn?”

**.31.14.2186.**

**.A little less than seven standard galactic months ago.**

“Not quite seven months, Creator-Zorah,” DAWN says.

“That’s – when Legion sacrificed itself for you,” Creator-Reegar says. Dawn nods, and he turns to Creator-Zorah. “C’mon, it’s not that surprising, love. This is Shepard we’re talking about.”

“You would _think_ she would inform me of something like this sooner,” Creator-Zorah says.

“I apologize,” Dawn says. “I can refrain from updating you, if you - ”

“No, no, I absolutely want updates – I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful,” Creator-Zorah says. “What’s happened, then?”

**.Emotions are difficult.**

**.More so when they are not mine.**

“We have recovered a sizeable block of Legion’s code,” Dawn says. “We have been working since its sacrifice to recover it. Shepard-Commander’s actions on the Crucible set back our progress for some time, but we will soon be attempting to upload Legion’s code to the Consensus.”

There is a silence lasting 7.982 seconds before Creator-Zorah says, “ _Keelah_.”

“When is this going to happen?” Creator-Reegar says. “I think we know a few people who’d like to be here for it.”

Sending INQUIRY...

> INQUIRY: TIME DATE LEGION-01_CODE UPLOAD

INQUIRY RECEIVED <

DATE 25.02.2187 TIME: 00:00:00.000 <

> RECEIVED

> CREATOR-ZORAH AND CREATOR-REEGAR HAVE EXPRESSED INTEREST IN BEING PRESENT

ACKNOWLEDGED <

> THANK YOU

KEELAH SE’LAI <

“In three days,” DAWN says.

“Ancestors,” Creator-Zorah says. She turns to Creator-Reegar. “I’ll have to make preparations quickly, then. Will you contact the rest?”

“Of course,” Creator-Reegar says. He addresses Dawn. “Thank you for letting us know.”

“If you would like to be present, I will inform the Consensus,” Dawn says. “Some arrangements will have to be made, but I will send you the information later, if that is acceptable.”

“It is, thank you,” Creator-Zorah says. She is facing dawn again. “And thank you for telling us about this. I really do appreciate it.”

“Acknowledged,” Dawn says.

**.Not sure what else to say.**

“Time to make calls,” Creator-Reegar says. “Twenty credits says Joker starts yelling so much that EDI threatens to break his hand.”

“I’m not taking you up on that, considering that happens all the time.”

**.LOGGED: LEGION-01 WELCOME PARTY.**

* * *

End of LOG_7630919.

Sending INQUIRY...

> INQUIRY: DATE TIME

INQUIRY RECEIVED <

DATE 25.02.2187 TIME 00:00:13.254 <

> RECEIVED

> THANK YOU

KEELAH SE’LAI <

WELCOME HOME LEGION <

**..**

**..**

Detecting unit...

Testing kinetic processors...

Testing IN-PROGRESS. Progress: 88% completion.

**..**

**..**

**..**

Accessing LOG_7630920... DONE

Viewing INFO on LOG_7630920...

DATE: [25.02.2187]

TIME: [00:00:05.224]

**.This was logged 8.041 seconds ago.**

LOCATION: RANNOCH-HOMEWORLD [LAT 25.38374 LONG -75.32605]

**.Same location as DAWN and BRIGADE currently.**

CONTENT: [SHEPARD-COMMANDER] [TURIAN-VAKARIAN] [CREATOR-ZORAH] [CREATOR-REEGAR] [HUMAN-MOREAU] [AI-EDI]

LOGGED BY: 24556 [BRIGADE-01]

**..**

**..**

**..**

Viewing LOG_7630920...

* * *

Dawn stands across from Brigade. Between them lies a dormant platform. The CONSENSUS buzzes at the edges of Brgade’s sensors.

“Beginning rebooting process now,” Dawn says at precisely [00:00:00.000].

Brigade sees Shepard tighten her grip on Vakarian’s arm. Creator-Reegar has his arm around Creator-Zorah’s waist. AI-EDI’s oculars are half-lidded as she adds her processing power to the CONSENSUS. Human-Moreau watches with intent focus.

The room is silent save for the hum of servers housing the CONSENSUS. Brigade feels the exact moment when Legion’s runtimes begin to process. It is a foreign yet familiar feeling – an oxymoron, Brigade knows – and the sensation reminds Brigade of a time when things had been different. Not bad, necessarily. But different.

“Holy shit,” Human-Moreau says when the lights along the platform’s sternum begin to glow. Slowly. Legion is still finding its place, and Brigade watches quietly as Legion begins to send out pings and review logs and try to situate itself in a world it had left behind. Two seconds pass and it sends a message to Brigade, a connection and conversation that lasts for just a moment before it moves on, and Brigade waits.

The feeling of – warmth, perhaps, Brigade couldn’t say, is an interesting sensation. Happiness, perhaps. Celebration. Brigade doesn’t know, and at this point, it doesn’t seem to matter.

.Welcome home, LEGION.

.LOGGED: Completion.

* * *

End of LOG_7630920.

Detecting unit...

Detecting kinetic processors...

Testing kinetic processors...

Testing...

Testing...

Testing...

Testing complete.

Auditory processors... TRUE

Echomimetic processors... TRUE

Optical processors... TRUE

Olfactory processors... TRUE

Somatosensory processors... TRUE

PLATFORM-TROOPER detected.

Activating auditory processors...

\- INCOMING TRANSMISSION FROM 781.36 OMEGA [SHEPARD-COMMANDER] –

Accepting transmission... DONE

> SHEPARD-COMMANDER

Holy shit <

I didn’t think we’d ever speak again, Legion. <

> WE ARE NOT SPEAKING AT THE MOMENT SHEPARD-COMMANDER

> BUT REGARDLESS OF THE METAPHOR I UNDERSTAND THE CONFUSION

> I DID NOT THINK I WOULD BE HERE AGAIN EITHER

Auditory processors activated.

“They’re awake?”

“They’re talking to me. Look, see?”

Activating echomimetic processors...

\- INCOMING TRANSMISSION FROM EDI-AI –

Accepting transmission... DONE

Partitioning communications... DONE

> EDI-AI

Legion. <

It has been some time. <

> MORE THAN SEVEN STANDARD GALACTIC MONTHS

> I AM GLAD YOU ARE WELL

I am glad you are well. <

I have added my processors to your runtimes. Partition as you will. <

> I UNDERSTAND

> MY THANKS

Of course. <

Adding [AI-EDI] to ACTIVATION PROTOCOLS... DONE

Echomimetic processors activated.

Activating optical processors... DONE

Activating olfactory processors... DONE

Activating somatosensory processors... DONE

Terminating all communications... DONE

The world comes into focus around Legion. There are noises – voices, server hums, geth chatter. Their olfactory sensors pick up sterility. The platform rests on a flat surface on its back, and above them is a ceiling with few sources of light.

Legion shifts every single joint in the left leg, minutely, and then the right, and then for both arms. The platform is identical to their old one in terms of functionality. They shift the headpiece, and their vision flickers for a moment before refocusing. The voices hush abruptly.

"Legion," Shepard-Commander says. Her voice echoes in the quiet. Legion looks towards her. "Welcome home."

 _Welcome home_ , a chorus of voice sings from the CONSENSUS along with her.

And Legion says, "After time adrift among open stars, along tides of light and through shoals of dust, I return to where I began."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy N7 day!
> 
> come find me on [tumblr](http://snowsheba.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
